


And They Said Speak Now

by TokiDokiIchinose



Series: UtaPri One-Shots and Short Stories [3]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Oops, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 02:36:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TokiDokiIchinose/pseuds/TokiDokiIchinose
Summary: Set years after STARISH disbanded from their full career. Having just retired from the idol industry, Tokiya is ready to relax in this new comfortable lifestyle. However, all that changes when he finds out that an old member of STARISH is set to get married. The news of this event has old friends as well as old feelings coming around once more.Short story based off of Taylor Swift's Speak Now





	1. Chapter 1

It's been years since STARISH's last tour ended and everyone went their own way. Natsuki Shinomiya went on to write his own music for another year or so. Syo Kurusu went on to act in action and adventure movies. Otoya Ittoki is now the owner of the orphanage that he grew up in and now lives with his brother Cecil Aijima, who has decided to help Otoya with the orphanage. Masato Hijirikawa decided to keep playing piano, and now plays in international competitions still to this day. Ren Jinguji decided to keep modelling until he got sick of it without a definite time frame in mind. Haruka Nanami still composes music for the new artists that graduate from Shining, refusing to leaving the company that has made her so happy and fulfilled her lifelong dream. As for Quartet Night, they split up and decided to go their own ways as well after their goodbye tour the following year.

As for himself, Tokiya had decided to stay with Shining Agency for one last album and tour before leaving the music industry. In fact, today is his very last day at the agency. His goodbye tour had just ended a month ago, and he just got out of a meeting that finalized his plan to retire. It felt odd to say that he was no longer in the music industry after practically being born into it. He finds it bittersweet as he walks out of the Master Class dorms and stares at the Shining Records sign. There are many memories tied to this one place that makes saying goodbye difficult.

The gates leading up to the building open and the paparazzi come flooding in behind the car meant to pick him up. It doesn't take long before photos are being taken from all directions around him. He smiles as he finds a familiar face in the crowd of cameras and microphones.

"Tokiya! Now that you've decided to officially retire, what do you plan on doing now?" Tomochika Shibuya smiles at him and throws the microphone in his direction.

He had forgotten that Haruka's friend Tomochika went on to be the big name of news on celebrities. She's a full-time reporter that covers everything big in the show business industry. An interview with her always received millions of views as they became known to be very important. There was never a question she missed to ask.

Tokiya walks up to her and leans into the microphone. "I'm happy to say that for once I don't know. When the time comes for me to decide then I will. As for now, I'm going to lay low and enjoy life."

"Thank you, Mr. Ichinose!" She winks as he steps back and get into the car waiting for him.

As soon as the car drives away and silence finally engulfs him, Tokiya releases a breath he had forgotten that he was holding. He hopes that he never forgets what happened in the many years that he was with Shining Agency, and that the others keep remembering just how amazing their lives came to be through music.

You would think that being a part of a group for so long would mean that they would stay close with each other. Unfortunately, it doesn't. Once everyone split their own ways and found new jobs, almost all of them stopped talking with each other. As of right now, the only one who Tokiya actually interacted with was Masato, whom he was to meet in twenty minutes for coffee. The two of them were always close once they discovered they had many similar hobbies. Even when they didn't enjoy something of the other, they learned that differences between them were best. They always had at least one or two projects together a year as well. It helped their friendship grow.

The chime of his ringtone goes off, signalling to him that he's received a text message. Tokiya digs through the pocket of his trench coat and pulls out the device once he's located it.

_Are we still meeting up at the designated time? I saw on the news that you were just leaving now._

Tokiya smiles at the message and sends a quick response back to Masato to confirm their meeting. Not too long after does he get a positive reply from Masato, saying that he's just made it to the café and will reserve a table for the two of them. They picked a smaller café on the outskirts of Tokyo that wouldn't gain them too much attention if they walked in.

It only takes another ten minutes or so before Tokiya's driver pulls up around the corner of where the café is and opens the door for him. Tokiya nods in appreciation and steps out of vehicle.

"When should we pick you up?"

"I will call when we are done. Thank you." Tokiya bows his head and takes off down the street.

The bell sitting atop the door rings as Tokiya enters the small coffee shop. Before he even has the chance to look around for his friend, he's called from the back of shop.

"Ichinose." Masato has glanced up from the book he was reading and is now smiling warmly at Tokiya.

Tokiya makes his way over to the table and sits down across from his friend. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Hijirikawa."

Masato shakes his head, the smile still gracing his features. "No need for formalities, Tokiya. The pleasure is all mine. How have you been?"

Tokiya returns the smile in earnest. "It's been hard to tell."

"Hard? How so, if you don't mind me asking." Masato sets aside his book off to the right of himself and folds his hands on the table.

"I feel lighter with the new change, yet it is also bittersweet." He decides that telling Masato would be the best idea. "Leaving after so long... it doesn't sit easy with me."

Masato nods his head in understanding. "I felt the same way when I left. I was surprised when you said that you were staying on for the next few years after almost all of us had decided otherwise. Is Shinomiya still there?"

"I believe so. I haven't seen him in a while, but the last time we talked, he kept mentioning how much he enjoyed performing still. He seems happy where he is still." Tokiya shrugs out of his jacket, and lets it hang from the back of his seat.

"I would believe it if Shining managed to rope him for many more albums to come. After the success of your last album, I was sure that he was going to do the same for you."

Tokiya laughs lightheartedly. "He did spend more time in the meeting trying to convince me to stay than actually negotiating terms with me. I knew that it was time to leave, though. It's been far too long since I last lived a normal life. I think that being at the age that I am at, I don't need the chaos of trying to leave my house quietly for a project anymore."

Masato shares in his laughter. "I will warn you that it doesn't go away easily. It still occurs every now and then. You may have to deal with it far longer than I had to. I didn't just sell out ten stadiums and release a three time platinum album less than a year ago."

A waitress comes over to their table and takes a quick drink order from them before their start up their conversation again.

"How old is Mai now? The last time I saw her was when she was barely turning ten."

Masato looks at him incredulously. "Was that the last time you visited? She's a teenager now, and she's already looking at universities to apply to. She mentioned Saotome Academy once to look into maybe being a composer. Our father shot her down quickly, but I told her to do what she wants. She keeps asking for hints on the entrance exam."

Tokiya grins at him. "Did you tell her anything about the exam?"

"What is there to tell? Not everyone passes the exam because they did well on it. It's about talent and if Shining sees anything in you to say the least. Besides telling her to study theory and do what she loves, there is no other advice I can give her." Masato pauses briefly before suddenly remembering something. "Although, you never had to take the exam did you?"

Tokiya sighs. The first year at the academy was the toughest time he ever had to endure. There was too much uncertainty within him, and his time was always split between hundreds of things. Thinking straight wasn't possible. "You are correct. I didn't have to take it. The most I had to do was sing for Shining, and he gave me an offer that I felt I needed to accept at the time. I was always thinking too hard back then and felt that everything I did needed to be perfect." Tokiya shakes his head at his past self. So much has changed within him this past decade.

"The year or two after STARISH joined the Master Class was when you seemed to be more at ease, even when you were facing difficulty. You always handled stress better than us after we all graduated from Shining Academy."

Tokiya wants to laugh at that thought. Masato seems confused by the mirth settling into his features. "I always took on too much without telling anyone. I'd say that after graduating is when I became even more stressed. I got sick very easily because of staying up so late worrying that feeling ill became normal."

Masato seems shocked at the news. "How interesting. Was that why we always found you walking around the gardens? I thought it was because you didn't like sitting still. I never associated you with that kind of stress all the time."

"I was always walking around for a few reasons. I would either be visiting the infirmary, Shining's office to discuss matters, or simply walking to clear my head. The one time I told any of you anything was when I claimed to be leaving Shining if no one adjusted their ways. That's the only real memory I have of lashing out at anyone."

"That's the only time I can remember as well." Masato frowns. "You should've mentioned it to any of us if you were going through that."

Tokiya waves his hand to dismiss the statement. "No need to dwell in the past. It's trivial to worry over now after so many years have already past. Do not worry. I quickly learned that everything was alright when all of us banded together. It took time to realize I wasn't alone, but it did happen eventually."

Masato relaxes into his chair. "That's good to hear at the very least."

The waitress then arrives with their coffee orders and sets the cups in front of them before leaving.

"That reminds me. How have you been fairing? I've heard a lot of news centered around your upcoming recital. When is it?"

Masato lifts his mug up to his lips and takes a sip before placing the cup down and answering him. "Life has been a lot calmer and at my own pace. The recital is scheduled for three days after Jinguji's wedding, and I do plan on going. I am hoping that it doesn't get pushed back a day or so."

Tokiya had lifted his cup up to his lips but pauses when he hears Ren's name being mentioned in association with a wedding. He hadn't heard of such a thing. "Wedding?" The words come out angrier than he meant them to. He's not angry, but he hadn't expected such news. Sure, they were older now and news of one of them getting married shouldn't be as surprising to him as it is. As much as he knows, no one even had anyone around recently. There hasn't been any news on anything of them even being engaged. To suddenly hear that the playboy of them all is getting married is just... well, it's strange. He feels very conflicted.

"You haven't heard already? Did you receive an invitation to it in the mail? I can't imagine that Ren would leave you out over the rest of us. He did invite me after all. When I got the invitation, I sent him a message to ask if he was threatened to send it." Masato grins at the memory.

Ren always teased Tokiya. Tokiya was almost positive that it was his favorite pasttime. Whenever he left his room for the morning, Ren was always in the common lounge ready to quick comment at him already that day. Maybe it was because Tokiya hadn't endured it for as long as Masato, so Ren knew that he was a newer target. Perhaps it was also because he didn't respond to it with an argumentative comment that Ren continued to pick on him with over the top and flirtatious comments and pickup lines. Tokiya blushed too easily as well. It was his other downfall and made him more interesting to Ren.

"I haven't been home in over a month. I've been staying at the Master Course dorms since I returned from the tour, so I could decide in peace what I wanted rather than being bombarded in my home by paparazzi." Good thing he planned on going home right after catching up with Masato.

"Ah, that would be why then. From what I'm guessing, he's sent one out to everyone from Shining Agency. A lot of big name companies are going to be representated as well. It feels more like a business trip than a celebration already. I wonder how he feels about the guest list."

"I didn't know he was with anyone." Tokiya's throat feels dry all of a sudden.

"Mm. Do you remember the actress he dated once a long time ago? It was before Aijima came around and joined us. About the time before we starting getting bigger projects to work on? It was quite a while ago, so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't remember."

Of course Tokiya remembers. He also remembers when they held small meetings for the group without him to discuss just how horrible she was and how to get rid of her. She imposed on STARISH's work, tried to steal Haruka's compositions, and tried to steal Ren away from the group as a whole. She was horrible to every one of them whenever she saw them individually. They knew she was going to try and create a scandal that would tarnish STARISH's reputation before they even had a chance to make a name for themselves. It was why they then cornered Ren and talked the matter out with him. It took more than their words to make him realize. She was caught redhanded by him when she paused to say a few terrible words to Haruka about how she was the reason Ren wasn't giving his work one hundred percent of his attention. That was an eyeopener for Ren and made him change his mind about her quickly.

And now Seira Hoshikage was back and they were going to get married.  _How could that have possibly come about?_

"I remember her well." His tone turns icy as he talks about the one person he's ever truly hated.

Masato even flinches a bit at his words. "I shouldn't have doubted otherwise. I think we all remember well. I didn't know that they had gotten together either. The invitation came as a surprise to me as well."

Tokiya sets down his cup before he ends up accidentally shattering it. "Do you think he's happy?"

Masato looks as though he wants to answer his question but is holding back his words. "I cannot say for sure, but marriage is a commitment. If he didn't like her then why would he choose to marry her? That wouldn't be like him at all if he went through with it and held hatred in his heart. He's become a lot truer to himself over the years."

Tokiya nods, unsure of what to really say anymore. It's frustrating to know that he's probably going to be stuck with this new information in his mind for a while. "When is the date?"

"He wanted to host a bachelor party with us next week. The wedding is to be in a month."

"All of us?" Tokiya quirks a brow. They haven't all been in the same room together in who knows how many years.  _Why all of a sudden does he want all of them in the same room again?_ "How odd."

"I agree. I couldn't find reason for it either. I didn't dare ask why, although now I feel like I should've. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who finds it interesting."

"There's no point in asking at such a time. We'll just have to find out when it gets closer." Although he's not exactly sure if he wants to go to begin with now that he knows who the bride is. Would he have gone if it was anyone else?

"You are right. Let's not dwell on it."

Masato tries his best to keep the rest of the conversation light, but Tokiya's mood has soured greatly. After about another thirty minutes of trying to pretend they never talked about Ren, Tokiya gives up and bids his farewell to Masato. He feels awful for having to depart over such a small thing, but it somehow hurts him to think of Ren marrying someone so  _horrible._ Time can change a person, but not every is quick to change. After he calls his chauffeur to pick him up and steps into the car, he immediately begins looking up news on Seira Hoshikage and Ren to find when exactly they started dating again. He soon finds himself looking for news on any scandals that she's been involved in before she started dating Ren.

He hardly notices that they've made it back to his house. Quickly, he thanks his driver and rushes to get inside his house, visibly worn out from the events of today. Tokiya shrugs his coat off and hangs it on one of the hooks on the wall by the  _genkan._ Slipping his shoes off at the entrance and locking the door behind him, Tokiya wants nothing more than to climb the stairs up to his bedroom and sleep. Knowing all too well that it's too early to nap, he in turn walks up the glass steps and takes a left to enter the living and kitchen space. He's come up with the plan to reheat the food he made last night and make his way upstairs to his favorite of the two office spaces he owns.

He's thrown the food into the microwave and turns around when he notices the stack of mail on his counter. He forgot that he's sent a housekeeper to care for the place while he was gone on tour. His coversation with Masato lingers in his mind as the mail reminds him of the invitation that was probably sent to him. Sure enough, in the pile underneath letters for bills, credit cards, and other documents that need to be prioritized falls the invitation Masato told him about.

Tokiya's name is scrawled in fancy lettering on the front written in someone's penmanship rather than printed. On the outside, the letter is ivory with golden flowers adorning the edges with a gold string wrapped around it. He flips it around to where there's a golden wax seal imprinted on the flap with an R and an S. The anger boils in him already as he tears open the envelope. As he pulls out the card inside, golden glitter falls out as well. Inside of the envelope, it seems that they've stuck glitter into the bottom, so that it would create a mess for whoever opens it. Somehow Tokiya isn't too surprised that there's some kind of joke to the letter.

Shaking his head, he stares at the card in his hand. Matching the envelope it came in, there's an ivory card with golden flowers that adorn the edges and flow into the background of the script on the card. Ren's name is below Seira's in the same font as his name on the front. Did he try to imitate the script to make it seem more formal, or did someone do it for them? It's a useless question that's very irrelevant, but still makes him wonder. The idea of Ren sitting in a chair trying to write this as neat as possible almost brings a smile to his face. Only he can't smile knowing that he's trying so hard for his own wedding invitation.

It's as Masato said earlier, though. The date is in bold rather than the fancy script to highlight its importance next to the place it will be held. Almost a month to the day, Ren will be married off to this woman in the country he's always loved - Italy.

It's quite foolish of him to be thinking so hard about something that shouldn't matter to him. Ren is living his life more than he himself is right now. To judge him for making decisions that most likely make him happy as an adult would be ridiculous. They may have been close before, but they aren't anymore. He needs to remind himself that they live separate lives now.

He's about to toss the card off to the side when he notices a smaller black card still sitting in the envelope. On it is the exact same golden script that's on the wedding invitation. The only difference with this card is that it's not for the wedding, but for Ren's bachelor party. On the bottom of the card, he notices smaller print that seems to be written with a golden gel pen or Sharpie. All the tiny note says is "I hope you can make it". That's it, but it's definitely in Ren's horrible handwriting.

It was the only leverage he held over Ren whenever the other insulted him during their days of rehearsing the music. Whenever they wrote in tiny notes on the scores Haruka gave them, Ren's notes would always be the worst to look at. Even Otoya's "fun" way of writing - that's what he called it - was more legible than Ren's. Tokiya's and Masato's handwriting styles were considered the best out of the group. Tokiya's was much more precise while Masato's were brief but spoke volumes.

To see his handwriting again after so long brings a sadder and more gentle smile to his lips. This is definitely the Ren he knew, yet something in him has also changed for sure. As for what exactly that is, he doesn't know. He's not too sure if he wants to find out either.

The microwave comes to life, reminding Tokiya of the meal he had left in it. Quickly, he opens the microwave and takes the dish out. Grabbing the letters with his other free hand, and a fork, he makes his way up more of the glass stairs to the third floor. Taking a right down the rather narrow hallway, he enters the second room off to the left of it. The first office space he owns is filled with scripts from every movie and TV series he's ever starred in and every score he's had to play or sing. It's one of his favorite rooms to enter.

The second room - the one that he's just entered - holds every important date he's had to accommodate in his lifetime as well as every book he's ever bought. The walls are lined with shelving. Even the smaller loft that's been built above the entrance to the room has been made into a reading space with more shelving for books. The loft also leads into the loft that's set up above the entrance to the other office space. It makes it easy to flip back and forth if he's simply reading and examining scores rather than sitting at the desk on the main floor of the room and having to move everything he's working on.

Another lovely touch he's enjoyed adding to the spaces are the sliding glass doors that lead to a small balcony on the farthest wall of the room. It lets natural light in rather having to strain his eyes under lamps and overhead lights.

He places his dinner on the desk and stabs the fork into it before he sets the invitations down on his desk. More of the glitter falls from the envelope creating a mess in another room now. Annoyed, he throws his angry thoughts at a not-so-innocent Ren, who he's sure knows exactly what he's done. Tokiya should almost applaud him for managing to annoy him from across the World. Ren's always had a talent for doing that.

He scrapes the glitter off his desk and into the palm of his hand where he then dumps it back into the envelope. He can't find it in himself to throw it out despite how much he wants to. He puts the two cards back into the envelope and places it carefully into the letter organizer he's set up on the corner of his desk. He sits down and finally begins eating. It's only until he's doing that he realizes he hasn't eaten all day. The food is nearly gone within moments, and only when he's nearly done does he get up to grab a favorite book of his.

He's hoping that the book can distract himself, but he can't seem to focus on the words in front of him. Frustrated, Tokiya closes the book and stands up to walk out onto the balcony. There isn't much of a view from where he stands, but enjoys the gentle breeze that blows his bangs out of his eyes. It's relaxing. For the first time all day, he's able to forget about his frustrations and worries. He's able to ground himself more to the reality he lives in.

The sun begins to set behind the apartment buildings off in the distance, turning the sky into a mix of dark blues and purples and bright reds and oranges. Coming up with a better idea, Tokiya rushes back inside and grabs a pencil and a blank notepad from the top drawer of his desk. He bursts back out onto the balcony and begins sketching the night sky.

Drawing has been a favorite pasttime for a while, but only came into bloom back when he first entered the Master Dorms with the rest of STARISH. That's when he began taking lessons in his free time and tried to perfect the craft whenever he had a chance. Before, his drawings used to be horrible scribbles that hardly ever took the shape of what he wanted. Now he was decent enough to sketch a photo and have it look pretty accurate to the scene in front of him. Once he moved from Fukuoka to Shibuya, his drawings became more related to the scenery rather than of animals or whatever someone asked him to draw. He never released any of his drawings except for the few Shining wanted for promotion of music that was soon to come. That was it, though, and Tokiya didn't mind.

Drawing became more personal to him, much like his music did.

After the sun had set and he could no longer see the page he was working on, Tokiya walks back inside and slides the door shut for the night. Deciding to take care of the mess he's made tomorrow, he closes the notepad he was working on and slides it back into the drawer it came from. Without tending to anymore of the space, he exits the room and heads back down the hallway he originally came from.

At the other end of the hallway is the master bedroom. The room itself is very open with the bed facing a wall of windows that takes place to his right. Directly across from him are the majority of his closests and drawers that hold all his clothing and few accessories. Off to the side of where the bed sits to his left are open entrances to the private bathroom. It's very narrow with a vanity that lines the left side wall of the bathroom space. The back is taken over by glass doors to the jacuzzi tub and shower. The right side wall is where the sink sits. Across from the shower and behind the wall of where the bed is lies more closet space that Tokiya uses for necessities meant for showering.

It is easy to tell that the house is meant for one person, maybe two. The third floor is the smallest, but it's the one part of the house that he can enjoy his privacy the most. There are higher walls placed outside his complex, making it difficult for anyone trying to sneak a peek at his every day life. That was the one point of the architecture that really sold him on the property as well as the fact that it seemed to be built for one person despite the many accommodies for three people.

Tokiya unbuttons his dress shirt and tosses it to the ground. He opens the closet he knows that holds his nightwear and pulls out a loose shirt and bottoms. He slides the shirt on and unbuckles his pants to slip into the bottoms. Peeling back the black sheets, Tokiya settles in for the night deciding that today's worries should be saved for tomorrow. It doesn't take long before he slips into a dreamless sleep.

.

. . .

.

He forgot to close the blinds last night.

It's his first thought of the day as the sunlit sky blinds him. His second thought is him wondering why he can hear knocking at his door all the way from the third floor that he's on. Groaning, Tokiya forces himself to sit up on his bed and slide off. It's not the most graceful movement, but has there ever been anyone who's ready to wake up every morning? He certainly isn't today. There's too much to think about, and even more that he doesn't want to. Whoever is knocking on his door has resulting to screaming his name, and only adding to his refusal to get up.

He rifles through his closet quickly and gets changed into a neatly pressed dress shirt and a nice pair of casual jeans that he owns. He then makes his way to the office space he stayed in briefly last night and grabs his dishes from dinner. Carefully, he makes his way downstairs to the kitchen and tosses the dishes in the sink to deal with later.

Whoever is at his door is driving him insane. Now there's knocking and taunts coming from the other side. However, he does know that whoever it is has to be someone important if they know the passcode to get into his gate. Tokiya walks over to the front door and unlocks it to open it. He's surprised to see who his wakeup call is from.

"Kotobuki?"

"Tada! Did you know it was me? Could you tell, Tokki?" Reiji's standing outside his door with a bouquet of flowers cradled in his arms. "I knew you had to be here." He seems too proud of himself for knowing that.

"Ah, well yes. It is my home after all. How did you-" Tokiya's about to ask why he of all people has the code to his gate when Reiji brushes past him to enter his home.

It's been roughly three years since he's seen any of the members of Quartet Night. Ai left the band and decided to open his own software company, which had turned into a huge success. Ranmaru wanted to keep playing music, so he made up a smaller rock band that only played local shows. It was only for fun, he said. Nothing more. Camus flew back to the Kingdom of Permafrost to serve the Silk Queen. There has yet to be anyone who actually believes that story and the existence of such a place. Cecil does, but that's about it.

As for Reiji, well Tokiya was almost one hundred percent positive that he flew off to California. Reiji always enjoyed the sun, so it made sense for him to live in the sunniest place in the world. Everyone agreed that it was the perfect place for him to live. Reiji also said it was to live his life without any regrets, and something about moving such a distance away did that for him.

Now here he was, walking around Tokiya's house making comments on his living space.

"It's sort of cramped here, isn't it? Whoever your dating must hate it here."

Tokiya scoffs at him. "I'm not with anyone. Kotobuki, why are-"

"What? How's that possible? You are a stick-in-the-mud but still! It's weird that Ren's settling down before any of you. I thought maybe Otoyan at least would beat all of you to it. That's really funny!" For emphasis on his words, Reiji bursts into laughter as he collapses on the couch in the room that overlooks the pool on the other side of the glass wall.

"Reiji, why are you here?" Tokiya folds his arms over his chest after locking the front door and entering the room Reiji is in. "I thought you were in California."

"Oh, I'm still here."

Tokiya refuses to actually comment on that.

"I heard the news that you left showbiz, so I thought I'd pay you a visit." Reiji lifts the flowers in his arms up and waves them around, scattering a few petals all over the couch. The very  _white_ couch, Tokiya adds bitterly.

"That can't be the only reason why you flew across the world. Ren's wedding will be in Italy, not here in Japan. What's the point of being here?" His words are harsh, but he can't figure out why Reiji would go through so much trouble. He's also a little annoyed that he's the second person to bring up Ren's wedding to him.

"I'm going to visit Otoyan as well! I decided to stop by here first, though. The news of your leaving has everyone upset! They keep calling you the Golden Child of showbiz. Even people in Cali know who you are. I couldn't believe it either when I heard the news." Reiji then smiles slyly at him. "Plus I heard Ren's bachelor party was going to be held here, and I wanted to crash it."

Tokiya sighs in disappointment. He's only just met up with him again after so long, and he's already sick of talking to him. "I decided I needed to slow my life down. The chaos of waking up to hundreds of upcoming projects was beginning to exhaust me. I've been in the business for far too long. I can see why the other's left before me." Tokiya walks over and takes the flowers from Reiji before he starts throwing them around the room. "You plan on crashing it? How well do you think he's going to take that if you suddenly show up uninvited."

"Ren-Ren always had a soft spot for me. He joined me in a few of my pranks before, remember?"

Another set of memories Tokiya doubts he could forget from his time in the Master Course. "Of course I do. Although, I'm not sure Ren is quite the same as he was."

"Hm? Why do you say that?" Reiji leans his head against the back of the couch, watching as Tokiya pulls a vase out from one of the many cabinets above the kitchen sink and fills it with water for the flowers.

Tokiya sighs again, but quietly enough that Reiji can't hear him. How can he explain it? It's not that he knows for sure himself yet, but it's merely an observation he's made through the gestures Ren has made to them so far individually. "I'm not sure."

"Then you can't say he won't appreciate it! I bet he would! After all, he did send me an invite to the wedding. How do you feel about it?"

Tokiya takes the wrapping off from around the flowers and sets them in the vase, adding the food for them right after. He carries the vase over to his dining table set up before the kitchen area and places it down in the center of the table. If he's being honest with himself, then clearly he doesn't like the idea of the wedding. Other than the bride, he can't distinguish the other reason for caring as much as he apparently does. His brows furrow as he tries to figure out what exactly that feeling is.

"I knew you wouldn't like it." Reiji grins again at him, enjoying himself a little too much.

Tokiya quickly flashes his eyes over at his guest, confused as to why he thinks he wouldn't known that. "And why's that?"

Reiji's jaw drops in what seems like fake shock. "You're telling me you never figured it out for yourself how you feel?" He begins shaking his head. "I'm very disappointed in you, Tokki. I had higher hopes for you."

Tokiya cocks one of his brows up. "I should be the one disappointed in you for wanting to crash a formal event."

Reiji snorts. "A bachelor party isn't meant to be formal. It's a boring party if so. Hey, don't change the subject!"

Tokiya ignore him and enters the living room to sit down at the table next to the couch where Reiji is. "I'm simply stating the facts given to me."

"Tokki, do you still not understand how you feel? I'm pretty sure the others do, so I can't imagine that you don't see it."

Tokiya begins tapping his finger impatiently against the tabletop. "I'm not quite sure what you're going on about. I understand how I feel perfectly fine." Hasn't he already spoken his distaste for the wedding? What more could Reiji want from him?

"Clearly not. I can't say I'm surprised, though. Must've been hard to ignore how you feel for the sake of your job. That's probably why everyone split up rather than keep going."

Tokiya keeps his gaze locked on Reiji's. "What are you talking about?"

Reiji frowns at him. "C'mon, Tokki. Are you really this blind? Everyone left because they got tired of being restrained by the rule for so long. Everyone was following the path that Shining opened for them rather than what they did for themselves. Even Otoyan explained to me that he had enough. That's what happens when you grow older. You start to realize what you want. I'm sad that you haven't figured it out yet."

"Can you state what you are getting at plainly?" He's annoyed now at Reiji's cryptic words. He already knew about the rule. Everyone in STARISH did. The no love rule made them all feel restrained, but none of them seemed to care for it anyway. How come all of a sudden Reiji is making it seem like the real reason everyone left. That leaving meant to get as far away from being restrained as possible.

"Tokiya, they all found what that kind of love meant to them. Otoya's is the orphanage and being with Cecil, who he figured out was his brother. Masato's was and always will be playing the piano. Ren decided that modelling was where he's the happiest. Syo's is the acting in action and adventure movies for as long as possible. Natsuki kept going with music because it made him and the people who listened to his songs happy. As for you... well, you don't seem to have found it yet."

Reiji's more serious tone and lack of nicknames keeps Tokiya's attention as he speaks. He doesn't look away once. Despite that, he already knew all of things he's talking about. "I knew that."

"Do you understand it the way they do, though?" Reiji stands up from the couch and walks over to Tokiya, leaning over him with that same serious expression. "What makes you truly the happiest? Clearly it wasn't singing for as long as you could, so what is it? Have you found it?"

He can't say that he has. When he thinks of happiness and all the times he's felt that way, he thinks back to the days when all of them were together. Of course, there was always yelling, fighting, or some kind of mess to clean up after, but it was genuinely what made him happy. When everyone left, he spent more time alone than he realized he liked. It was hard to wake up every day and deal with everything on his own. Despite that, he kept singing because he was sure that it was the glue that kept himself together. To hear it stated so calmly in front of him that it was a lie to himself... Tokiya isn't sure how to react.

"I think this is what you needed to hear even if it's a little late." Reiji pulls away from him, immediately changing his mood. "I'm going to visit Otoyan now. If you want to tag along you can!"

Tokiya thinks over this option. He almost feels like he should before the bachelor party - if he decides to go at all or not - but it could be a very awkward meeting. He's not sure if he's ready to face the rest of STARISH quite yet. Then again... "I will join you if you let me."

Reiji nods in approval. "Sure, Tokki! You can always grab a ride with me!"

Tokiya never wants to take him up on that offer. "Let me change properly for an outing." He can feel Reiji's need to laugh at him as he turns his back to walk up the stairs to his room.

"I'll be exploring your house!"

Tokiya rolls his eyes.

.

. . .

.

Tokiya releases his breath finally as Reiji parks the car outside Otoya's orphanage. He's been in his car before when Reiji was driving, but he's forgotten how fast the other likes to go. Unbuckling his seatbelt, Tokiya then opens the door and slides out as Reiji parks the car.

The orphanage is almost exactly as Tokiya remembers it to be, hitting him hard with nostalgia. The walls are still a light beige color with salmon colored trim. The windows are still decorated with paper cutouts to match the season, so as of right now they are decorated with flowers, clouds, and different animals. Everything about it reminds him of Otoya.

"Are you hesitating, Tokki?" Reiji scares him as he throws his arm around his shoulders. "You're still so sensitive!" Reiji bursts into laughter, quickly removing his arm to clutch his stomach.

Tokiya sighs for what feels like the hundredth time and starts walking towards the entrance. Only the doors swing open before he can even reach them.

"Catch me if you can!" In a burst of excitement, Otoya comes running out of the doors and crashes into Tokiya.

Luckily, Tokiya manages to ground his footing and catches the both of them from falling.

The confusion is clear on Otoya's face as he pulls away in a hurry and begins apologizing right away before even looking up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were coming to pick up your kid early! I'll be more careful next time!" His words are in a flurry.

Reiji can't keep himself from laughing at the mention of Tokiya even having a kid, and it takes every ounce of Tokiya's control not to turn around and punch him. A vein pops on his forehead as he sharply turns around to glare at him. "After so many years, you still haven't grown up?"

Reiji completely ignores him. "Otoyan, Tokki's too busy trying to figure out how to get a date! There's no way he'd have a kid so early on in his life." His fit of laughter begins again.

At the mention of such nicknames, Otoya hesitates in his steps as he tries to run back into the building. He whips his head around and stares at the two figures before him. It takes a moment before the realization sinks in, but once it does, his jaw is to the ground. "Tokiya?! Rei- _chan_?! W-What are- Why are you here?! I-I'm mean I'm excited to see you again, but I just didn't think- I didn't know that I would! Wow. Wow! Uh- I'm really sorry!"

Tokiya brings a hand to his forehead to calm himself down from the frustration of dealing with Reiji. "It's quite alright. I apologize for showing up unexpectedly. This wasn't a planned visit at all."

"Hi, Otoyan!" Reiji runs up to join the two of them and waves from where he stands behind Tokiya.

Otoya is completely and utterly dumbfounded. It is very easy to see that he doesn't know what to say to them. It's alright, though, because Tokiya is at a loss as well. What do you say to someone you haven't seen since things started going sour with? The last time they talked, Otoya and Tokiya had gotten into an argument over staying in STARISH. Everyone was deciding to leave around the same time, and Otoya expressed his intentions to leave as well. Tokiya, being as stressed as he was, took his pain and anger out on his roommate at the time. Otoya left the next day, and that was it. They haven't seen each other since.

"Mm." Otoya fidgets where he's standing, refusing to meet neither Reiji or Tokiya's eyes. "It's okay." There's still a flush of embarrassment on his face from earlier, though. Either that or he's just as confused as Tokiya for what to say.

"We can leave if you're busy at the moment. It was Kotobuki's idea to intrude on your day after all."

"No!" Otoya finally looks up and meets Tokiya's turquoise eyes with his own bright red ones. "Um... I mean you can come in if you want. T-There's a conference room we can sit in and talk." Otoya looks away as quickly as he turned his attention to them. "I-If you want to. You don't have to, though."

"We'd be delighted!" Reiji takes Tokiya by the shoulder again and pushes him towards the entrance of the orphanage.

Otoya begins leading them inside but pauses before entering all the way. "They're gonna be kinda loud. Just a heads up." He leads the way again.

The kids in the room all pause to stare at the trio as they slowly enter one by one. As quickly as they stopped talking, they all begin clammering up to the three of them to ask questions. A few of the kids recognize Tokiya right away from his music and all ask him to sing something for them. Reiji bends down and answers as many questions as he can for them.

Tokiya did have a soft spot for children, but it's a little overbearing to say the least to be in a situation such as the one they are currently trapped in. He's not sure which of the kids to answer first, but he doesn't really want to sing either.

Luckily, Otoya seems to read his facial expression well because he stands in front of the two of them trying to corral the kids back towards the center of the room. "Alright, everyone! I'll be right back! I have a few guests that I need to show around, and then I'll walk around and see what you've all drawn! They better be good!" He laughs as one of the kids tries to pick up their artwork and show him already. "You have to wait! I want it to be perfect when I get back, though, okay?"

She nods in reply and runs back to the table she was sitting at before they entered. A few of the kids try to follow him out of the room and keep asking where they're going. It takes him repeating the same promise that he'll be right bak and shutting the door as they leave before the kids back off. Otoya sighs and begins walking down one of the hallways. "Sorry about that. They're not used to visitors." He turns around briefly to grin sheepishly at them.

"I thought they were adorable. Although, Tokki seemed like he was going to throw up." Reiji pokes him in the arm, gaining him an eye roll from him.

"I'm fine."

"That's not what your face said a moment ago."

Otoya laughs awkwardly and stops when he reaches a rather bare room with a long folding table set up in the middle with folding chairs set up around it. "If you two want to hang out here for a bit, that's fine. I have this class for another twenty minutes. I promise I'll run back over as soon as it's over!" Otoya bows quickly and sprints out back to the room they came in.

Tokiya sits down in one of closest seats and takes a breath to calm himself. And then he remembers that Reiji is still here.

"Y'know, Tokki, the kids got me thinking."

"That's dangerous."

Reiji pouts for a moment but only very quickly. "You should sing something for them!"

Tokiya is quick to shake his head no. "I would like to be away from that now. I can't go around singing to everyone who asks me to. That would be how Shining ropes me back in for a reunion concert of some sort, and I would very much like to not be a part of that any longer. You may sing for them if you want. I will stay out of it." He's begun counting down the minutes to when Otoya will come back.

"You know they want you and not me! You're going to disappoint them!"

He knows what Reiji's trying to do, and guilt tripping him doesn't work anymore. "No means no. I'm sorry, but I won't do it." There's no reason he should have to do something he doesn't love just because people ask something of him.

"Boo. You're no fun." Reiji plops himself down in one of the folding chairs next to Tokiya's at the head of the long table. "Hey, Tokki?"

"What, Kotobuki?" Tokiya pulls his phone out of his pocket in hopes of ignoring Reiji for as long as possible.

"Do you plan on going to Ren's wedding? If so, what are you going to wear? I talked to Hijirin about it, but he said he wasn't sure and wanted to see what you said."

Tokiya looks up from his device and quirks an eyebrow at him. "Did he say that?"

Reiji lifts his right hand up for him to see. "I swear to you he did. I didn't know you two were still close."

It's an honest statement, but Tokiya still feels as though Reiji is leading up to something else. "I don't see why Masato would care whether or not I am going. He didn't seem like that would impact his choice when I saw him yesterday."

"Aha, so you two really  _are_ close!"

Tokiya stares at Reiji waiting for a pun that doesn't come. "I would say that we talk a few times a week."

Reiji waggles his eyebrows at him suggestively, and Tokiya can't see how anything he's said deserves such a response. "How often do you two hang out?"

"I wouldn't call it that. Rather, we meet up occassionally to catch up on times."

"So a lot. Got it. I wouldn't say that you two are my favorites together, but I can accept it. Ai-Ai always said that you two were more compatible than the rest." Reiji leans in with his head in his hands as he supports them up with his elbows. "Would you two show up to the wedding together? Oh! What if Ren gets jealous when he sees you two before the ceremony even starts and runs-"

"What exactly are you going on about?" Tokiya can barely keep up with Reiji's wild imagination.

"I'm saying that you and Ren are more suitable." Reiji's eyebrows do that  _thing_ again, and suddenly Tokiya feels nervous under his gaze. "What do you think?"

_How has it only been five minutes?_ He's not very religious, but he starts praying that Otoya's class gets out early. "I haven't thought far enough ahead to think about the date. It's hard to say when I don't know what I will go on to do myself now that I'm on my own for the first time in a while."

Reiji pouts again. "That doesn't answer what I just asked, Tokki. You're avoiding my questions again."

"I can only answer one at a time. You are throwing too many at me at once." Tokiya frowns and begins scrolling through his many emails. Now that he's left Shining Agency with the plan for retirement already settled, other agencies for record labels and modelling have begun reaching out to him. It may have only been one day, but there are now hundreds of emails he needs to sift through.


	2. Chapter 2

Tokiya traces the rim of his coffee cup with a delicate finger.

After Reiji had dropped him off at home leaving him with a final push to join the bachelor party and the wedding, Tokiya had picked up his phone and called Masato to ask if the other was busy. Now they were currently seated at a café closer to Tokiya's home. It had been rather short notice, but Masato said he was willing to make the trip.

He wasn't by himself for long, as he heard the door open and a familiar voice begin placing an order at the counter after perusing the menu. Tokiya waits until Masato gets his drink before motioning to where he was. Masato sets his cup down on the table before shrugging out of his jacket and placing it on the back of his seat and sitting down.

"You sounded urgent. Is something the matter?"

They did only just meet up yesterday after all. Tokiya feels guilty for taking up time in his schedule. "I'm sorry. I know you must have been busy. I didn't mean to interrupt your day."

Masato shakes the blue fringe that's settled between his eyes. "I wasn't doing anything of importance. May I ask why you said you needed to discuss something with me?"

"Did you happen to talk to Kotobuki after our outing yesterday?" The guilt settles in again as he accidentally starts off with an interrogation.

Masato glances at him curiously, trying to figure out mentally where this could be leading to. "I did. I'm going to assume he saw you not too long after I did?"

Tokiya nods and picks up his drink, tapping a small sip of it before setting it back down. "He did. He was very cryptic all day with me today. The way he made certain topics sound... I felt as though I needed to talk to someone about them. You are my best option."

Masato folds his hands on the table they're seated at. "You flatter me. What did you need to get off your chest?" He sits patiently as he waits for Tokiya to organize his thoughts.

"I know we've had this discussion yesterday, but I want to talk about it in a different light." He pauses to take a breath, moving a finger to the rim of his cup again. "Kotobuki mentioned today that he wasn't surprised to see me conflicted over the wedding. After my conversation with you yesterday, I thought it was normal to be so. You seemed just as in between about it as I was. Am I wrong?" Confusion lines his words as he thinks back to everything Reiji has said to him earlier.

"Well, I can't imagine anyone out of STARISH feeling so. We all know who the bride is, and none of us faired well with her around the first time. To see her again in such a way brings back many emotions."

"So it is normal?"

Masato's eyebrows furrow. "I would assume so at the very least. Did you make it out to seem like it wasn't?"

"It's not that he did, but rather..." He takes a moment to dwell on how exactly to phrase it.

"That it was more exclusive to you?"

Tokiya's eyes widen as Masato says what he couldn't figure out. "Yes. Is it somehow that way?"

Masato sighs. "Tokiya, think back on our days in STARISH overall. When was there not a time Ren was flitting around you in some way?"

Tokiya does as he says and tries, only he can't really think of one. Even in his quietest moments, he would receive a text message of some sort or see Ren's presence walking his way.

"I believe that may be what Kotobuki was talking about," Masato continues, taking his silence as answer enough. "Whenever you took a sick day or day of rest, who was always there with words of encouragement or would come up with ways to help you out?"

Tokiya scrunches his eyebrows in thought, not exactly sure where this is going. "All of you?"

Masato sighs again, this time it seems longer. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, Tokiya, but I believe you need to reflect on what I've asked of you and place it in context of Ren always being around you. It would seem that there's more to it than friends helping one another out."

Tokiya runs a hand through his dark locks, even more confused than he was after Reiji left him. What could he  _possibly_ be missing? "I don't understand, Masato." His heart has begun beating wildly at his chest.

"You may be a bit more oblivious than you believed yourself to be. Back then, I had noticed it for myself and confronted Ren on the matter at hand. The first few times I confronted him about it, he dismissed it with a wave of his hand as if I was making everything up. However, he came to me the month everyone began thinking of leaving STARISH. He looked at me in the eye and took a deep breath before telling me that I was right all along. He told me that every teasing gesture and flirtatious comment had become reality. He couldn't tell me why because he said he didn't know himself and that love was a crazy thing. He quit the very net day."

Tokiya's breath comes out shaky as he pictures the moment in his head. "Love? Masato, please. What are you talking about?" Why is his head spinning? Why can't he breathe properly? Why can't he shift his gaze away from his friend? Why is he clinging on to every word he says? What is going on with him?

"He left because of the rule. That is all I can tell you at this time." Masato picks up his jacket from the back of his seat and begins slipping his arms through the sleeves. "The rest of us had a sneaking suspicion the whole time. I am the only one who knew for sure. I'm sorry, Tokiya. If the news is going to come from anyone then it has to be him. The loss is not mine, and the emotions will not hold the same weight. Ask before it's too late." With those final words, Masato is gone out the door of the café.

Tokiya doesn't try to stop him because he doesn't know what he would say to him. Of course Ren left for the rule. That was what everyone had expected when he said he was leaving. Ren had said himself that it was because of that and the restraint it brought him, but he never said why exactly it restrained him so much. Tokiya had thought they were used to it by now, so for Ren unexpectedly walk away with that as his reason left him stunned.

What stuns him now is how Masato so plainly stated that there was another factor to it. Why won't anyone tell him directly what it is? Why did Masato tell him to ask Ren? Would Ren even care enough to tell him? Is there even a point in asking now? Masato did say to ask before it was too late, but what counts as too late?

Frustrated, Tokiya stands up as well and throws away what's left of his coffee. There's no point in staying any longer, so he grabs his belongings and starts walking back to his house.

Later that night, he finds himself sitting in bed with the invitation between his hands once more. He should inform Ren that he's decided to go to the bachelor party, but for some reason he can't find it in himself to press the call button that sits under his contact information that's still present on his phone.

Tokiya doesn't dwell on it any longer and throws his phone onto the other side of his king-sized mattress along with the invitation. Is there a point in going anymore? Would he really ask Ren about the information Masato threw at him if he did go? Could he stay silent about the matter if he does?

The real question is one that he doesn't want to ask himself. Does he really want to go at all? His presence would mean that he supports Ren's choice in marrying Seira. It's not like he could show up and argue against it. That's not why Ren invited them all in the first place. He just wants to see the friends who helped him get to where he is. To argue over the matter at this time would be ridiculous anyway. It's clear the decision has been made for a while. It's not one that can be made so quickly.

He closes his eyes with more questions in his mind that he had the day before, leaving him restless for the majority of the night.

.

. . .

.

It's the day of Ren's bachelor party, and Tokiya feels that he's been holding his breath these past few days.

He stares at the closet of suits he owns in front of him, hesitating on grabbing on and setting it out for the evening. That would mean he's made the decision to go, and he can't say that he has. Reiji has been texting him nonstop every day with a countdown to when it begins, but Tokiya put his conversation with the older man on mute in retaliation. Instead of dwelling on it, he reaches for another closet and grabs an outfit out of the assorted drawers.

He inwardly sighs and sets his mind to getting food in his system before making up his mind for sure. Padding down the stairs with the lack of sleep weighing down his footsteps, he makes his way over to his fridge and frowns at the lack of contents. He's forgotten that he really hasn't been home at all, and that he's spent more time the past few days going out rather than staying at home.

Closing the door, he gives up and grabs his wallet and keys off the kitchen counter top. After slipping a pair of shoes on, he exits his house and locks the door. He'll have to go somewhere again today. Grocery shopping doesn't exactly sound like something he wants to do as of yet, so he makes for the café he usually goes to nearby. Suddenly he gets an idea and thinks maybe taking a walk isn't too bad.

He doesn't realize how horrible that idea is until he's spotted by at least fifteen people, who try to be discreet in taking pictures and fail as he catches them but tries to ignore it. In a moments notice, he's calling one of his drivers to pick him up. It can be frustrating to walk around on his own like this and be spotted. He's hopeful that someday he'll get to live a normal life.

It doesn't take long before his driver shows up with another car in tow behind it, meaning there will be security guards surrounding him during his outing.  _How troublesome._ The car door is opened for him, and he slides into the backseat. Giving the directions for the shopping plaza he wants to visit to the driver, Tokiya leans back in the black leather as they drive off.

When they get to Aeon Shinagawa Seaside, Tokiya tries to tell his driver and numerous bodyguards that he can handle it on their own but dismissed without question by them easily. He's already exhausted by the time they even get inside. With his mood already sour, he walks up to the first restaurant he sees and orders a quick meal. He knows it won't be nutritious in any sense of the word, but he needs to get something in his system. So far in the past few days since he left Shining Agency, he's been exhausted with reminders of Ren. Even at night, he's reliving memories from their school days as well as their time in the Master Course. All of this has given him less of an appetite, meaning he hasn't really had anything to eat since he last saw Masato.

In speaking of which, Masato has yet to answer his messages from after that evening. It's not like him to be this way, but Tokiya's not sure he expected anything else.  _I'll have to wait to apologize properly tonight at R-_ He stops himself from finishing the thought.

His bodyguards are confused when he stands up abruptly after only just starting to eat and throws the dish out. They give him some room for the rest of the trip through the shopping mall much to Tokiya's enjoyment. Now he doesn't feel as suffocated, but the weight of their eyes focused on him still bothers him.

He's walking around the second floor of the shops when his eyes land on a shop selling men's clothing. The shop holds no particular interest to him, but the tuxedos in the window catch his eye. As if fate is giving him a message, he's reminded once more that morning of the party.

Throwing in the towel on this argument with himself, Tokiya gives in and tells his bodyguards that he has to go home to get ready for the event.

The car ride is just as short as when they arrived, but he feels as if it's taken years. After losing against himself, he suddenly finds that he's more anxious to get home and get ready than he would like. He can't seem to pinpoint why either.

When they arrive to the street his house is on, Tokiya opens the door quickly and bows to those who helped him today. Then he's all but running to get back inside his house and fighting to remove his shoes as he makes haste to his closet upstairs. When the closet is open, he just stares at all the garments unsure of which to wear. He checks his watch quickly for the time, hoping that he won't be running behind. The dinner is set for eight tonight at the Arva by Aman Tokyo, a restaurant he's been to only once before to celebrate the end of a magazine release he had lost a month's worth of sleep to. It was very trying on himself and Masato, who appeared in the magazine with him.

Now he was going once more, but this time had no idea what to wear. Usually it was easy to pick a suit out according to the right occasion for himself, but it feels so much harder now. Would he be too dressed up if he wore a blazer? Knowing how the others dress, it probably will be. He doesn't know if that's changed about them either, though. He feels loss course through him at the thought of truly how disconnected they've all been.

He settles on a more form-fitting Armani tuxedo he bought for the photo shoot behind his last album. It was a lot more money than he liked to spend, but it was well worth it. He carefully buttons up the white chintz-effect twill shirt he bought to match it. He switches out the watch he's wearing for a more classic looking Cartier. As soon as the latch is done, he then realizes just where the watch he's wearing came from. It was a gift from Ren for his birthday about four years ago. Tokiya had tried to convince him to return the ostentatious and expensive present, but Ren refused and left him with it claiming it would shatter his heart to bring it back. It was easy to see that Tokiya caved and kept the object. Afraid of breaking such an item, Tokiya refused to really wear it anywhere except for the one time STARISH went out to dinner on their own. That was the last time it left the velvet casing it came in.

Tokiya fingered the object around his wrist lightly as if it would snap under his gaze. He shut his eyes immediately and stood silently. The only noise that resonated in the room is his breathing to center himself. After a moment of silence, he opens his eyes again and makes his way over to the mirror in the private bath in the room behind his bed. He simply stares at himself, queasiness settling in his stomach. He takes time styling his hair to how he wants it, knowing that there's still too much time before he even has to think of leaving.

Backing away from the counter, he sees his full form in the many mirrors in front of him. Tokiya sucks in one last deep breath and departs from his bedroom, dress shoes and invitation in hand as he cautiously walks down the stairs.

There's still about an hour left, and he attempts to settle his nerves by pacing back and forth across the family room space with both eyes on the watch on his wrist. He waits about five minutes longer before calling his driver to pick him up.

There's still over an hour before the dinner begins, but he can't sit in his house any longer. The driver arrives within about ten minutes, and Tokiya rushes out of his house to get into the car. It rolls forward after he prattles off the name of the restaurant. As if time can't slow down enough, Tokiya stares at his watch, counting the seconds as the longer hand moves around the dial not as fast as he would like it to.

He moves his attention to the window as they begin driving up alongside the Imperial Palace, slowly closing the distance between himself and the venue set for the evening. There's still forty-five minutes left, making him incredibly early for the gathering.

The car stops off to the side of the scraper, but Tokiya hesitates before stepping out of the vehicle. Despite the nerves pushing him to leave early, he finds himself wishing he was back at his house. The building is just as beautiful as he remembers it, but he's too anxious to admire it. Instead, he ushers a thank you to his driver and walks on ahead up the steps and through the entrance. There aren't too many people milling about the lobby, and Tokiya gravitates towards a seat set off to the side of the lobby. He unlocks his device hoping to kill time before anyone shows up. He can't imagine anyone else is here besides himself.

"I shouldn't be surprised by now that you clean up well, Icchi."

Tokiya almost loses grip of his phone as he about jumps in the seat he's occupied. His breath catches in his throat when he spins around to see  _very_ familiar ginger locks and bright blue eyes. He struggles to get words out in reply but fails to do so.

"I've already made you speechless, and all I've done is complement you in the slightest. It would seem that I won't have to try so hard this evening. I can barely wait." Ren stands up straight from where he was leaning, adjusting his suit jacket.

Tokiya makes to stand as well. "I apologize." He pockets his phone swiftly and dips his head in a shallow bow.

Ren chuckles, placing one of his hands in a pocket of his pants. "Some things never change, huh? You're here pretty early. Not who I would've pegged to be first, but I'll take the losing bet. Good thing I got ready an hour ago for guests." He gives Tokiya a quick wink.

Rendered speechless once more. How is he supposed to spend the evening with everyone if he can't talk? "Only some it would seem." The comment is an obvious one meant for the sole reason of the event, and Ren picks up on it with what seems like a small wince. It makes Tokiya reconsider his next words. "I apologize for my early arrival. I accommodated for traffic that hardly existed."

The gentle curve of Ren's lips returns. "I never said I disliked your presence, so don't apologize so much. I can show you up to the restaurant now if you would like. That is, unless you'd rather wait for the rest of the group. I had planned on waiting to make it easier, but I can also have someone stand by the entrance to escort them. The choice is yours."

Tokiya stops to think for a moment. One option means sticking by Ren while they wait for the others, while the last option means seeing everyone again for the first time in the open lobby. He thinks that maybe the first would be better. However, being in a space alone with Ren doesn't exactly sound pleasing. "I can locate it myself while you wait for the others."

An emotion he can't quite place runs across Ren's face for a moment before he nods."If that's what you would like, then be my guest. I'll have someone escort you up. Hopefully, I'll be up in the next hour or so."

Tokiya nods back, grateful to have gotten himself out of what would've been an awkward situation.

Ren motions for one of the workers, and they come over. After passing whispers back and forth, the worker turns to Tokiya and bows. "I will show you where the restaurant is, Mr. Ichinose."

Tokiya steals a glance at Ren once more to see him waving him off as the employee walks him over to the elevator. Even as he sits in the shaft waiting for the doors to close, he finds his eyes meeting Ren's. Moments later it's broken by the doors that shut and the lift that brings him up to the thirty-third floor. From there, the employee leads him to where a private room has been set up for the event. It's as Ren said. He's the only one there in the room. He sighs and steps in, finding a seat at the end of the table closest to the mall. The employee bows before leaving him.

His mind replays their encounter again, and how Ren's voice touched his neck briefly. It was a very Ren-like move to do, but definitely one that surprised him. Ren still used his nickname as well. If it wasn't for Ren's tense posture, then Tokiya would've thought they traveled back in time to the Master Course program once more. The way he talked was also too formal for Tokiya's liking. The typical innuendos were replaced with a richer vocabulary that made him feel as though he were conversing with Masato. There already were too many things different that set him on edge once again.

If Ren had changed so drastically, then maybe he should be expecting the same of the others. This was going to be an interesting dinner.

He's not sure how much time passes, but the drink he's ordered is almost gone by the time someone else joins him at table.

"Ichinose."

It stung to hear Masato say his last name with barely any trace of recognition. "Ma- Hijirikawa." Tokiya nods and stares down at his drink. This may be the one night he drinks more alcohol than he usually allows himself.

Masato walks to the seat across from Tokiya and elegantly sits down. He's also dressed nicely, with a full tuxedo much like Tokiya's own. Masato makes no eye contact with him, instead glancing at the drink menu as he waits for their waiter.

"Was what I said so wrong that you now feel the need to pretend we're not friends?"

"I didn't take you as dense, Ichinose. This is an issue that's been present since the time before our debut. It's almost cruel to him for not noticing so long. I am merely angry on his behalf." Masato doesn't look up once.

Tokiya flinches from the cold tone used towards him, moving his hands to his lap where he clenches them into fists. "Pardon me for keeping my eyes forward on our growing career."

"Maybe you should've looked up from the scores to think about the emotion behind them. I thought you said you knew how to do that again after all that time of being unable to do so."

Tokiya stops trying to further the conversation. There's no point if it's going to be continuous arguing the whole time, so he stays silent steeling the pain internally instead. Masato orders his drink through the waiter and stares out into the city where the lights are aglow against the night sky.

Tokiya makes an effort to focus his attention on his thoughts, but he registers how unable he is to do so. The two of them sit there in silence when another member joins the arrangement.

"Kurusu." Masato mentions the name before Tokiya even sees him.

"What's with all the tension? I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but why do I feel like I'm choking look at you two?" Syo eyes them suspiciously before taking a seat next to Tokiya.

"I thought you were filming in France this weekend? What happened?" Tokiya inquires, hoping to direct the conversation elsewhere.

Syo leans back in his seat, seeming as though unimpressed. "The weather got really rainy, so they said filming was going to get pushed back a week. I figured I was free, so I might as well come." He shrugs before suddenly remembering something and leans in. "Hey, what do you think about this whole thing?"

Masato makes a sound of mockery as he receives his drink from the waiter that drops by. Syo glances over at him with a quirked eyebrow and directing his attention to Tokiya instead.

"If he is happy, then I see no issue with it."

"You truly are blind, Ichinose." It's the only comment Masato makes before sipping his green tea.

Syo leans in more to whisper in Tokiya's ear. "What'd you do?"

He feels obligated not to say anything, so he doesn't. This elicits a groan from Syo, who in turn leans away from Tokiya and back into his seat.

Not too long later, Otoya shows up with Cecil by his side. "Syo!"

Syo grins at him after hearing his name. "Otoya! Welcome to the party!" He gestures mockingly at Tokiya and Masato, the only other ones at the table.

Otoya grins at Tokiya and Masato, but after noticing their strained expressions, he drops the smile he's wearing. He looks back at Syo as if to silently question what's going on, but Syo can only shake his head. Tokiya watches the encounter happen, and somehow wants to tell Otoya, but that doesn't seem like a possibility at this time.

Cecil breaks the small moment of silence before Otoya can tell him not. "What's wrong with Tokiya and Masato?"

Otoya whips his head back to him and drops his jaw at the blatant question. Cecil sees Otoya's face and cocks his own to a tilt. "Did I say something wrong?"

Otoya turns back around to Syo, who looks equally dumbfounded but not surprised. All three turn to look at the two in question.

Before any words can pass Tokiya's lips, Natsuki arrives with Ren not far behind him. Everyone was now all here. Otoya uses Natsuki's presence to push Cecil down into the seat next to him as he himself sits down next to Masato. Natsuki all but runs to the seat available next to Syo, pulling the shorter male into a tight embrace. Ren laughs at the display in front of him and looks around at everyone, seeming to take everyone in carefully. Tokiya's too afraid to make eye contact with him again, so he pretends to find interest in his almost empty glass.

Ren claps twice to gather everyone's attention. It takes a minute or two before everyone settles down enough for him to talk. He leans his hands against the head of the table, smiling at the crowd before him. "Thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules. Some being busier than others, who just opened up their schedules for who knows how long."

Tokiya looks up in surprise at Ren with the tiny jab. Syo and Otoya burst into laughter, Cecil grins at him, Natsuki smiles as brightly as he did when he walked in, and Masato shows no sign that he cares to listen.

Ren continues talking though. "Now I know that all of you have probably been asking why you were all invited. Well, most of you at least. Hijirikawa only bothered to ask if I sent the invitation to the wrong person."

More laughter erupts from Ren's end of the table. Tokiya glances at the pianist in front of him only to find him nonchalantly drinking from his cup of tea. He realizes that it is indeed going to be a long night.

"I guess it's time that I answer your lasting question." Ren pauses and looks straight at Masato. "Yes, I meant to send the invite to you."

Tokiya rolls his eyes as everyone continues to laugh their hearts out. Even Otoya grins at Masato with a light jab of his elbow. Masato remains unmoved.

"Alright, I'm done. For now." Ren winks to no one in particular. "I figured if I was going to spend my last few weeks without a full-time commitment to anyone that it would be with those of you who wouldn't believe that it was happening." The laughter Ren expects this time isn't there. He coughs to fill the dead air and continues. "It's been a while since we've all been together. I think that's easy to say. There's one thing that isn't easy about this, though. That one thing is how detached we've all gotten from each other. I would like to mend a wrong before I no longer have the time to do it. That's why I'm bringing all of us together again for this evening. It helps that I carry leverage over all of you with this impending wedding I've got. I bet that made it easier for all of you to come here."

Ren stops talking for a moment and takes in all of their faces. He takes a deep breath before talking again. "We all left without much time for goodbyes, especially myself. It's only right that we see each other again. If we say goodbye tonight for the last time, then let it be on a good note. Let's end the suffering I know we keep in our hearts."

When Tokiya looks away from Ren, he finds Masato glaring at him as if he's taken everything he's ever loved away from him. It pains him greatly to see this kind of irritation directed his way from Masato. Tokiya turns back to Ren and joins the others in clapping.

"On that note, gentlemen, I plan on drinking until I blackout with the best dining around."

Syo cheers after him and Natsuki smiles, but the others are either awkwardly laughing or shaking their heads.

The entrées for their meal arrive first, and everyone digs in to the food while chattering away mindlessly. A waiter comes by and takes their drink order again, and Tokiya finds himself ordering another alcoholic beverage. It's the most he's had in a while, but he can't find it in himself to care too much.

The casual conversation at the table reminds him of the banter from the past that they used to share in every day, yet somehow like clockwork, the conversation somehow rotates back to Tokiya and his recent decision in his work.

"So, Icchi, what made you finally leave?" Ren waves his fork in Tokiya's direction, and all eyes turn in his direction.

Tokiya finishes chewing his dish before answering. "I'm getting too old for the lifestyle I was living." He's tired of giving everyone the same answer. He almost wishes he could do an interview and have it play over and over again on the news for everyone to see. That way he wouldn't have to keep saying it. Suddenly very thirsty at the thought, he grabs his drink and almost finishes it in one go.

"Hm?" Ren picks up his glass of wine and swirls the contents around the glass. "You always seemed like you could go forever. Interesting that it's changed."

"I already planned to leave when my tour finished. That was all I could handle."

Ren nods and takes a sip. After swallowing, he places the glass down gently and holds his gaze with Tokiya. "How's your ankle?"

Tokiya's eyes widen, and everyone whips their heads around to stare him down. Even Masato holds interest in the sudden statement. "What...?" It's the second time Ren has stunned him speechless.

About six months ago, Tokiya twisted his ankle during one night of his tour. It's happened many times before, so he thought nothing of it and treated it like he normally would. Only this time it worsened, and he became unable to stand on it a week later. He waited until they were out of Fukuoka and moving on to Saitama before saying anything to anyone. Originally the plan was to push back the dates, but Tokiya refused considering it was his last tour. He wanted to do it as it was, rather than adjusting everyone's schedule because of the wrong move he made on stage one night. Everyone respected his wishes and kept the dates, but he was put under intensive care of his crew whenever he was offstage. They even hired a doctor to travel with them in case anything went horribly wrong. When the tour ended a month ago, he was told to let it heal in a cast and wait on doctor's orders. Once he got the okay, he began discussions with Saotome to leave for good.

What's surprising is that no one outside of the touring crew knew about the injury. Everyone who came to his concerts were none the wiser. To hear someone he hasn't seen in  _years_ ask about the injury is unsettling to him. Where did he slip up?

Ren laughs when he sees the confused expression pass Tokiya's face. "Not everyone in the audience was fooled."

There's a glint to his eyes that sends Tokiya reeling. Ren couldn't have seen his shows, could he? There's not a chance he could've have. Last Tokiya knew of him, Ren moved to Europe and was a regular in Elite Model's magazines. Flying out to Japan would've been impossible for him. Right?

"Tokiya, you were injured?" Otoya presses forward on the table, reaching his head out in interest. Tokiya can see the obvious frown on Otoya's face.

"It was less than a year ago, but..." He keeps his eyes on Ren. "How did you know?"

A grin spreads across Ren's lips. "I know everything, Icchi. I thought you already knew that about me." Ren laughs, but Tokiya doesn't join him.

It's still doesn't make any sense for him to know that. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see the knowing look on Masato's face. It's aggravating the way Masato looks at him every time Ren makes a comment like this towards him. Tokiya just wants him to yell what it means rather than forcing him to live under this pressure. He now finishes the rest of his drink. Ah, he was right earlier. He's going to be playing a drinking game by himself over the past. He flinches just a little at the bitter thought. What fun this will be.

"Tokiya!" Otoya groans as he sits back in his seat. "Why didn't you say anything?"

As if Otoya has any right to say that to him of all people. After they talked the other day, Otoya's been messaging him as if they never parted. It's ridiculous how quickly he adjusted. "It was a while ago. I'm fine now. If I still had an issue, I wouldn't be attending this dinner."

Syo scoffs. "I'm not shocked that you injured yourself, though. You were always the first one to get sick, too."

"Tokiya always loved working so hard for the rest of us!" Natsuki pipes up, smiling at the memories from the past.

Tokiya is trying so hard to wrack his brain for answers, but nothing comes to mind. There's no reason Ren would know. It's not like anyone he works with would divulge information like that either. From where he sits, he can still see the grin on Ren's face, too. He's enjoying Tokiya's suffering.  _What else is new?_

"Way too hard." Ren chimes in again, shaking his head in what seems to be a mocking kind of disappointment.

It only fuels the frustration building in Tokiya. "I only did as much that was asked from me. Nothing more nothing less."

Syo stares at him before laughing. "I think you mean always more nothing left. You always managed to begin work a month before you got it. I never understood how! Were you actually the mastermind behind all of our bookings? That has to be it! There's no way that it was the President!" His laughter is uncontrollable now as a few of the others join him.

Tokiya reaches for his drink but is disappointed quickly when he finds it empty. He withdraws his hand and grabs the water given to him earlier in the night instead. Only when the water goes down his throat does he realize how parched the alcohol has made him. Maybe throwing the last one down as fast as he did was a bad idea. Despite it only having been two glasses, it's still the most he's had in one sitting. He was never known to be one that took part in such an activity after all.

"Alright, alright. I think he's had enough. Shortie, I haven't seen your last movie yet. How'd it go?" Expertedly, Ren directs the conversation to Syo, who beams with pride ultimately forgetting the insult Ren's used.

The night continues in this manner with conversation and food being passed around from one person to the next. It's about eleven o'clock when an employee informs Ren that his allotted him is over. Ren waves them away after thanking them immensely for the food and drinks. Everyone gathers their belongings and sighs from contentment as they make their way back down to the lobby. Almost all of their rides are there already except for Otoya and Cecil's, who's running late, and Tokiya's.

Masato walks up to Tokiya after he gets the call from his driver that he's arrived. "Before it's too late." That's all he says as he exits the building and walks off into the night.

Tokiya stares at his retreating figure before quickly glancing over at Ren. It's clear what he means, and Tokiya had already been bracing himself for it. It's the reason why he has yet to call his driver. He doesn't get the courage to approach Ren until finally Otoya and Cecil depart moments later.

"How long do you plan on staying, Icchi?" Ren's smile is sloppy. It's easy to tell he's spent almost the whole dinner drinking.

"Ren, would it be alright if I asked you a few questions?"

Ren quirks an eyebrow at him. "What kind of questions? I didn't think I did anything that needed an interrogation, but go ahead." Ren plops down into one of the cushions on one of the many couches in the lobby.

Tokiya hesitates before speaking. "I wanted to ask about the past if that's alright."

Ren sucks in a curt breath. "Follow me instead then." Ren slowly gets up from his seat and walks over to the elevators.

Tokiya's not sure where they're going, but he finds himself following Ren anyway.

"I'd rather we be somewhere else if that's what this is for." He talks as if he already knows what's going to come from the questions.

They stand in the elevator in complete silence as Ren presses the button for one of the top floors. The ride is rather long, and Tokiya shifts the weight in his legs as the nerves settle in. They were already there to begin with, but now he feels as if the conversation he's had in mind with Ren has suddenly become a bigger deal than he originally thought it would be.

"You act like you're on your way to a death sentence." Ren chuckles, but it's without his usual humor. It sounds like he's tired than anything else, almost like all the alcohol in his system wasn't enough at all.

Tokiya only huffs in response because he knows that Ren is right. He feels that way.

Their ride doesn't last any longer when the elevator does open to reveal a series of hotel rooms. Ren exits first, and Tokiya follows as he takes a right down the hallway. They walk for only a minute before standing in front of one of the hotel room doors. Ren slides a keycard into the lock, and the door opens for them.

The room is simple yet elegant with a classic Japanese look to the walls and entry ways to the different rooms. It's a very open space with dining area that opens up to where the bed is and a living area. Clearly it had to have been quite expensive. That much isn't hard to tell.

"You can sit wherever." Ren continues walking into the space and heads for the wooden counter behind where the dining table is set up.

Tokiya walks into the room, more concentrated on the north wall, which is covered in glass from floor to ceiling that overlooks the city. He takes up one of the seats on the side of the dining table that faces where Ren is standing.

"Care for a glass?" He's holding a champagne bottle in his hand.

He shouldn't be drinking anymore himself. "No thank you."

Ren shrugs and grabs a glass for himself, pouring the drink as he walks over to the table and sits down across from Tokiya. He swirls the contents in the glass for a moment before taking a sip and glancing over to the windows.

"What questions did you want to ask?"

Tokiya's not sure which question to start with. He's even more nervous sitting in front of Ren alone like this than he was in the lobby. It's not helping with the situation. "I.. don't know where to start." Honesty is the route to go now he assumes. At the same time, he also thinks that hesitating isn't going to solve anything either. Masato told him to ask why he still could. As much as he doesn't understand why he said that, he does get that time indeed is short. He needs to leave soon. He can't keep wasting Ren's time like this.

"Let me help." Ren pauses to take another sip before setting the glass down and making direct eye contact with him. "You want to know why I left, and not just the vague answer I gave everyone that I thought would suffice."

Tokiya goes to say something but stops himself. He's right. Sure, it's a lot more to the point than he wanted this to be, but it's where the conversation was going to head eventually. He nods instead of saying anything.

"I figured." Ren leans his head against the palm of his hand, which is now propped up by his elbow on the table. "You're just as easy to read as back then. I wish I was like that back then. Maybe then things would be different." There's sadness in his eyes.

Tokiya wants nothing more than for it to go away only he doesn't think that he can do that. "How?" His response is quiet, almost like he's attempting to avoid stepping on eggshells.

"Icchi, did you believe me at all over the years?"

He scrunches his eyebrows as he thinks about the question. "I'm not sure I know what you're directing that towards."

"I mean overall. Did you ever believe anything I said to you from the very beginning?"

_The beginning?_ He's not sure where this is going. "It depends on what you're talking about. I believed every time you were serious about a job or anything related to the group."

"And my teasing? All the comments I made when we weren't a band but friends hanging out? What about all the gestures?"

"I only ever thought it was just how you were." When he sees the dissatisfied expression on his face, Tokiya gets even more confused than he already was. "Did I say something wrong?"

Ren leans his back and chuckles. It's the same false laughter from before. "How cruel, Icchi." He brings his head back to face Tokiya, shaking his head in response. "I forgot how cold you were. Even after all this time it hasn't changed."

He's offended Ren, although he's not sure how he did it. Isn't that the truth? Wasn't Ren always just playing around? It was what he did with everyone, so why would it be any different when it was just STARISH hanging out? "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. There's no reason for you to be. I should be sorry for not being as obvious as I thought I was."

Tokiya doesn't know what to say anymore, so he lets the tension and silence fill the space instead.

"Tokiya, I didn't lie when I said that was why I was leaving." Ren gets up and walks over to the wall of windows overlooking the city. "I told Hijirikawa the day before exactly why I was leaving. You should've seen the look on his face when I told him he was right all along." He laughs quietly. "He got so angry at me when I told I wasn't going to do anything about it."

"About what?" Tokiya turns towards him, leaning forward in the seat he's in.

"I lied to myself for so long that I could hardly look at myself in the mirror. It would've been too hard to keep performing in the state I was in. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep living in the Master Course dorms either. I had to live. The rule was so important. Everyone lived by it so easily, and then I realized that it was no longer a game for me. I thought I could bear with it, but then I heard that a few of the others were struggling in their own ways with it. The only difference was that the rule wasn't what held them back like me. It was only a reminder for them. I told myself that I was going to be true to myself when I joined STARISH. Nothing was going to hold me back. I needed to keep my promise."

"Why was it the rule?"

"Tokiya," Ren completely turns to face him, "I realized then that I loved you."

Tokiya is speechless. There are no coherent words that could be formed to describe every emotion and thought running through him. " _What_?" All of a sudden, his throat is very dry and scratchy.

"Although, I don't think I can put that in the past tense considering that seeing you now is killing me." Ren runs a hand through his ginger locks. "I loved you then, Tokiya, but it would seem that I still do now."

_What?_ There are a million questions running through his mind. He can feel his heart racing a mile a minute. He can't just sit here dumbfounded, but that's all he  _can_ do. Such a confession now... it feels too unreal.

"I'm not sure what I was looking for when I told you that, but your reaction now seems about right. Surprising, isn't it?" Ren walks back over to the table, avoiding Tokiya and going around the other way instead. He picks up his half empty glass and goes over to the counter to fill it once more. "When I realized it for myself, I was in shock, too. Hijirikawa couldn't figure out why I was acting funny for almost a month, and even took it on himself to yell at me. That was when I told him. He was very unsurprised, unlike you right now. I don't know how long he knew, but it was long enough that he almost ignored me."

"Ren, I-"

"Y'know, I never really expected you to find out. I'm pretty sure deep down I wanted you to know, but now that I've told you, I'm grateful I didn't. Suffering this kind of pain back then might've made me even more miserable." He takes a long sip from the glass without stopping to take a breath. "At least I know that I won't have to see again after tonight. There's no way that you're going to my wedding now after I said that. I'd understand if you left now."

Tokiya doesn't make a move to leave. "I'd appreciate it if you stopped interrupting me."

Ren turns to stare at him in surprise. "Sorry?"

Tokiya closes his eyes and focuses on breathing. "Why are you marrying Miss Hoshikage?" He doesn't dare open his eyes just yet.

"I can't stay focused on something unrequited, now can I? I needed to make myself move on. I-" Realizing what he's saying, Ren stops talking abruptly.

Tokiya nods in understanding. Masato was right. Now that he knows everything, it all makes sense now. Slowly, he opens his eyes again to find Ren staring at him still. "I'm not going to pretend I know what to say because I don't. I don't know how to respond when I don't know how I feel myself."

"You don't have to think so-"

Tokiya puts a hand up. "Stop. I know what you're going to say, but I'm going to tell you that you can't know what's running through my mind. Don't make decisions for me."

Ren immediately stays quiet.

"I wish I could apologize to her, though. It's my fault that all of this is happening, and I had no idea this whole time. I should've know. I will take the blame for it."

Ren scoffs at him. "Take the blame for what? How  _I_ feel? How ridiculous does that sound to you? You couldn't have known, and I never told you. No one did. Icchi, help make this easy and just reject me already."

Tokiya flinches at the hard tone he uses. "How can I?"

"What do you 'how'? It's easy. Just tell me that you hate me."


	3. Chapter 3

It's been a month since he last talked to Ren. He's gotten only one text message from the other, only asking if he could forget what happened at all that night.

Only he can't. It's all he's thought of since then. How could he just forget it? He's learned that he's the reason Ren is trying so hard to change himself. He's getting married because he thinks it'll help forget him. Why does he think that's a good idea? Ren actually plans on getting married tomorrow night.

Why can't he figure out how he feels already?

"Tokiya?"

He forgot that he's out currently. Across the table from him is STARISH's composer from back then, Haruka Nanami. "My apologies, Haruka."

She shakes her bright orange locks about her head. "Don't be. Is everything alright?"

She's always been perceptive. "If I'm being honest, then no. There is so much I can't figure out." Yet he needs to figure it out before tomorrow. How much more frustrating will this get?

"Maybe I can help. What's bothering you, if you don't mind sharing." She places a delicate hand in the middle of the table, clearly reaching out to help him.

Although, Tokiya's not sure she can help. He doesn't think anyone can. If he's going to find an answer then it's going to come from himself, not from someone who doesn't understand the situation as it currently is. Even Masato would be a dead end, who would probably only lecture him. He can almost here it now.

"Unfortunately, I don't think you can."

She smiles gently at him. "I'm sure I could try."

Sighing, Tokiya gives in. He feels bad considering they were supposed to be celebrating her accomplishment of being awarded for the compositions she created for a big movie as of lately. He grimaces as he folds his hands in his lap. "I didn't realize how someone felt about me, and now they're plan is to make the rest of their life miserable in order to forget me." It's probably the worst explanation he's ever given of a situation, but it's as vague as he can get about it.

"Is this about Ren?"

Of course she knows. "Did everyone figure it out before me?"

She looks hurt, but it's clear it's not directed towards herself. "I don't know. I only guessed, but I didn't know for sure. He never said anything to me."

So Ren only said anything to Masato after all this time. Everyone else only pieced it together on their own rather than hearing him say the words. Tokiya nods and stares down at the sandwich in front of him, suddenly losing his appetite. "He told me a month ago."

She gasps and presses forward against the table. "He told you?"

She's just as surprised as he was that night. "Yes. He kept telling me to reject him and walk out as if nothing happened, but I told him I couldn't. I wanted to figure out how I felt before giving him a genuine response."

She sits back in her seat, contemplating this new development. "Have you given him an answer yet?"

Tokiya shakes his head no. "I still don't know, and now it's getting too late. Maybe I should just forget it ever happened. It's what he wants."

"No!" She covers her mouth quickly as her cheeks burn from the embarrassment of almost shouting at him. "He deserves a real answer. It will never be too late to give him one."

"The issue is I don't know what to say to him even if it is too late."

"What do you know about him?" She tilts her head to the side.

Tokiya pauses. It's a simple question, but he doesn't really know how to answer that either. "In what aspect are you asking of?"

"Well," She lifts a finger to her chin in concentration. An idea seems to flash in her mind her face lights up. "Let's start with how you feel around him. How was the last time you saw him?"

The sound of the shattering glass rings through his ears once more as the he's reminded of just how awful that conversation went. "There's room for improvement." He frowns at his own response. It sounds as if he's giving feedback on someone's work rather than discussing his feelings.

Haruka must feel the same way because now she's frowning as well. "What do you mean?"

Frustratedly, he runs a hand through his navy locks. "He was angry and upset, and I only managed to elevate that."

Haruka sits and reflects on what he's said. "How did you feel talking to him, though?"

"Upset? Angry? I can't really remember. It was a month ago."

Haruka bites her lip. "Ichinose, please try to remember. This is the only way you'll know how you feel. It sounds like you've been ignoring it, and that's why you still don't know. You've written many songs. I know that you must have some idea of how you felt."

He remembers seeing Ren crying and how painful it was to know that he was the reason why. He remembers feeling guilty that he couldn't give Ren an answer right away. He remembers the shock settling in when Ren had confessed, and then the pain again in how their conversation escalated to yelling. "Pain."

Haruka pushes against the table, leaning in more as if that will give her more answers. "Pain from what?"

"From making him upset. For pushing him into talking."

"When I say that Ren is your friend, how does that make you feel?"

"Uncomfortable is all I feel. Is there a reason for that-"

"How about when Hijirikawa told you that he was engaged. How did you feel then?"

He pauses, and then adds up everything he's said so far. Why did he feel uncomfortable? There's never been anything uncomfortable about being Ren's friend before, so why does it bother him now? It doesn't-

"I see." It all makes sense now. The pain, anger, and sadness finally makes sense.

Haruka sees the recognition flash in his eyes finally and sits back in her chair with a newfound smile.

Tokiya chuckles humorlessly mostly to himself. "Nanami, I do apologize, but I think I have to depart early." He quickly grabs his belongings and picks up his coffee, tossing whatever's left of it into the trash.

Nanami's smile seems to brighten when she sees him rushing off. "Good luck."

He nods at her and rushes off, phone in hand to call his driver as he slides his arms through the sleeves of his trench coat. There are a few things he needs to establish right away before tomorrow. Is he really going to do this? Should he? Of course it's obvious that Ren wasn't happy where he is now, but is interrupting his wedding day the way to go about it? Should he try talking to him beforehand? Or will that make matters worse for him? There are going to be a lot of important people at this wedding, so much so that it won't even see like a wedding and more like a business conference. Does he really have anything to worry about? He did after all leave Shining Agency with no plans to return to the industry.

The issue is Ren's reputation. It's been the perfect image of how one should live their lives so far. There has yet to be such a blemish on it. If he goes charging in to that wedding tomorrow, Ren's reputation will in fact be affected by it depending on how he reacts. If the wedding continues after he interrupts it then everything will be fine, and Tokiya's reputation will be the only one in shambles. However, if for some reason Ren reacts in a favorable response to him then his will go up in flames as well.

Tokiya paces along the sidewalk as he waits for the car to come around. There is so much that could go horribly wrong in single moment. Can he afford to go through with it?

No. He can't think that. He needs to do this. Ren needs to hear how he feels especially so after there last parting wasn't favorable for either of them. Ren deserves a response.

When the car comes around the corner, Tokiya quickly opens the door before the driver can get out to do so for him and slides into the backseat. "Home, please." He'll have to wear something nice. There's no way he can do what he's going to without looking the part.

And then a thought occurs to him.

Almost everyone from Shining Agency is going to be at this wedding, or at least everyone he's talked to in the past month. The only one who maybe won't be surprised is going to be Masato. He needs to be careful about this.

The other issue lies where he comes in. Traditionally, there used to be a line that invited anyone who objected to the marriage could speak up. However, that very line is removed so as not to invite problems. It wouldn't be surprising if Ren took that line out because Seira told him to. If it is, then he has to interrupt the wedding before their vows are complete. No one knows about the argument between him and Ren, so he can most certainly get away with showing up to the wedding as if he was just there to be a guest.

This can work, and he will make it do so. The pressure is on to get everything right until tomorrow now. If only he could confide in Masato about this then he would feel better. However Masato still won't respond to him, so there's no point in even trying.

He sighs as he stares out the window of the vehicle. He only has to wish Ren can reciprocate his feelings now.

.

. . .

.

To say he's merely nervous would be the understatement of the century. He hasn't felt this way since he first became a vocalist and performed live for the first time. First and foremost, he feels more confused than he was yesterday. It's as if all the worrying he did yesterday has been amplified tenfold. His hands are shaking as he buttons the top button on his suit jacket, looking up to face himself in the mirror.

Despite how he felt about it yesterday, he's chosen a more genuine look for today. The tuxedo he's chosen for today isn't as showy as the one he wore to Ren's bachelor party. It's a simple black tuxedo with a white satin dress shirt adorned with a dark purple tie. His hair is slicked back neatly, done moreso out of stress rather than for the look.

Making his way to the main level of his complex, Tokiya slips on a pair of black dress shoes he's worn dozens of times for meetings before. Now he's wearing them to break up a wedding.

He stands up after tying the last bow on his shoes and slips the invitation in his pocket. He's sure that with the amount of people attending this they'll need to invitations from guests to confirm on a list if they've been invited. It would only make sense.

He grabs his tan trench coat and slips it over his arm before making his way out of the complex. Two hours before the bride walks down the aisle.

Instead of his usual driver, Reiji is sitting out front waiting for him. Reiji had sent him a message last night asking if he wanted a ride, and not wanting to be left alone with his thoughts Tokiya agreed. He's not surprised to see Otoya sitting in the backseat. Tokiya makes his way over to the vehicle and hops into the passenger seat, barely making eye contact with either them.

"Ready?"

Tokiya sucks in a deep breath and nods. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Reiji grins and throws the car into drive.

The drive is rather short, taking only thirty minutes with traffic included. The building the wedding is taking place in is the Mandarin Oriental that sits down the block from Arva by Aman, where Ren's bachelor party took place. Reiji tries to get a conversation flowing in the car, but whenever it leads Tokiya's way, it is immediately cut short by his silence. Reiji doesn't try to ask why, almost as if he knows the very reason behind his nerves. Otoya on the other hand keeps trying, determined to get some sort of answer out of him. The car ride is exhausting to say the least, but Tokiya's not sure he feels any better when they hand the car over to valet and walk towards the entrance of the building.

The sick feeling is back in his stomach as they enter. He's surprised to feel Reiji tug him backwards, letting Otoya jump in front of them.

"Alright, what's up?" Reiji's serious tone almost scares him.

"What do you mean?" Tokiya tries to plaster an expression of indifference on his face. He hasn't done it in a while, but he slips back into it with ease.

"Otoyan might not see it, but you're really nervous about this. Why?"

Maybe not with as much ease as he thought. He has to act natural. No one can know about the horrible stunt he's going to pull. "Ah, I guess I'm nervous for Ren. It's the first time any of us have been to a wedding centered around what once was a fellow bandmate. I may not have seen him since he left, but we did once know each other."

Reiji throws his arm around his shoulder, handing one of the many security guards his invitation. Tokiya lets himself get dragged by him, pulling out his own invitation and handing it off to someone. He can't be bothered to see who. "I get it now. You're upset he's being taken from you."

Tokiya quickly sends his elbow into Reiji's stomach unapologetically. "Can you try to control yourself? No one will let that comment pass here. Save your jokes for another time." Tokiya slips out from under his arm and briskly walks away to catch up with Otoya.

Clearly confused with the sudden appearance of his friend, Otoya startles and looks up at him before turning around to see Reiji holding his stomach with one of his arms, lagging behind them further. "I didn't even notice we got separated."

"It doesn't matter anymore." Tokiya picks up his pace and follows the crowd to where he assumes the venue is inside the tower. Upon entering the rather large ballroom space decorated for the special occasion, Tokiya finds himself pausing in his steps. He's here.

Otoya stops alongside him when he catches up, landing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"

Tokiya quickly looks over at him and recovers his stoic attitude from before. "Of course. Were we told where to sit?"

"Yeah! I think they said the seventh bench back on the right." Otoya glances around the room and points excitedly when he sees two familiar faces. "Natsuki and Syo are here!" In an explosion of excitement, he runs off to join their friends.

Tokiya sighs and follows close behind. "Otoya. We're in public." It's as if he's never changed.

Otoya ignores him as he cuts through the crowds to join the two blonds at the bench they're at. Tokiya watches as they begin talking almost animatedly to each other, all three bubbling off of each other's excitement for the event they're at. Syo throws a quick glance over at Tokiya, ushering out a simple greeting. Soon enough, Natsuki follows in his footsteps and does the same. Natsuki and Syo slide down the bench further to allow room for Otoya and Tokiya to join them. Reiji joins not too long after, that same grin plastered across his face from before. Tokiya finds it more aggravating than before.

They have a clear picture of the front of the ballroom where he can easily assume the bride and groom will be standing. The nerves are back as he looks around the room and realizes truly how many people are here. No. He can't think too hard about it or he'll tell himself not to go through with it. He can't afford that now. He's made it this far. He can't back out now.

Reiji elbows him lightly, shifting his attention away from the altar to his friends. "Hm?"

"You're really way too distracted. Hijirin is trying to get in."

Lo and behold, Masato is standing at the start of their bench clearly waiting for Tokiya to move down. "My apologies." Tokiya slides down to make room for him, barely looking over.

"I didn't think you'd show up, Ichinose."

Tokiya glances up his way again, unsure of how to respond. "Well, here I am." It's all he can manage to say. Anything else and Masato would probably see through him fast.

"And yet not. Disappointing."

So Masato can't see through him, but still he assumes that Tokiya is contempt with his position on the bench rather than making his way up to the altar. If only he really knew what he was going to do.

Masato sits down on the bench next to Reiji, who has also scooted down to be closer to Tokiya. Reiji looks between them, clearly wondering if he should try to say anything. Tokiya's glad he stays silent. There's no use cutting in now of all times. Tokiya would rather not deal with this now as well. There's already too much on his mind.

It must be getting closer to the start because everyone's found their way to their seats, barely talking above a whisper to whoever they're sitting next to. Tokiya keeps checking the watch around his wrist, only looking up ever to see if the altar's been occupied. After a few moments, Ren walks in beside the officiary talking to each other in low voices with nods being passed between them. Tokiya has to restrain himself from letting out a surprised gasp when he sees Ren.

Ren's normal, longer hairstyle has been cut down to sit atop his head neatly. There's still a hint of a bang peeking out from under all the gel holding his hair back in a style similar to Tokiya's own but more windswept. Tokiya's never seen his hair so short before. There have been times when Ren got a health cut, opting for a hairstyle that sat barely above his shoulders. Tokiya's blown away with how nice it looks on him.

The tuxedo Ren's wearing seems to accentuate his figure further. It's a slender cut black tuxedo with white lining, one vaguely similar to the wedding style cover STARISH did years back. Only now it's real. Ren is the absolute image of handsome. Tokiya forces himself to look away, focusing instead on the off-white tiles with the golden glow from the candles at the ends of the benches being reflected below them. He can hear Reiji snickering beside him, but he can't be bothered to look up at him.

Time seems to begin moving slowly from this point on. Once Ren and the officiary are settled up at the altar, the music from the string quartet settled in the corner of the room starts up drawing everyone's attention to the wide double doors to the entrance of the ballroom. Both doors are opened by two of the security guards and the bride's grandparents walk in followed by her parents. The bridesmaids and groomsmen soon begin their procession as well.

Tokiya finds it odd that Ren's chosen people who are clearly models working in the same agency as him to be his groomsmen. He's not offended that he didn't ask anyone from STARISH to join him up there as he's not sure he would've accepted in the first place, but it's still odd and doesn't sit right with him. Looking over at Ren at the altar, it's obvious Ren feels the same way as him as he watches the procession with a gentle smile that seems fake. For a brief second, Tokiya swears he meets Ren's eyes when he flicks his gaze over to the bench he's seated at. It was too sudden, but he's also sure he saw a somewhat shocked reaction from Ren. Is he really that surprised to see so many of them here? He had invited them after all.

Everyone stands before the bride shows herself, suddenly snapping Tokiya of the reverie he's found himself in. He recovers instantly and stands up as well to join those by his side.

He's not going to pretend she's not beautiful in the dazzling white ball gown she's chosen for the occasion, but his distaste for her does stop him from admitting anything. Seeing her alone sparks anger in Tokiya. He knows those by his side right now feel the same way, but none of them say or do anything. At least for now. Tokiya's part is only an hour away.

Sure enough, time is not on his side and begins to speed up once the wedding ceremony begins. Words are exchanged as the officiant welcomes all guests. Not long after are the vows exchanged between the bride and groom. His brows furrow when Seira opts to read hers first. It's clear she's expecting big words from Ren considering she's placed his vows after hers. It's even more clear when she starts presenting hers. There's nothing special about the words she's saying. It almost seems as though she hired someone to write them for her. It only adds fuel to the fire beginning in Tokiya.

Completely opposite from hers, Ren presents his own. There's a sincerity to his words that almost makes Tokiya feel guilty for what he's going to do, but there's something wrong with the sincerity in his words. It's as if they're sincere but not heartfelt. It's almost like listening to lyrics Ren would've written all those years ago when he first joined Saotome Academy. Tokiya has to laugh to himself when almost direct quotes from his music are spoken in his vows. How very typical of him.

And then it's time.

Tokiya's hands begin shaking. Reiji gives him a side glance that he tries his very hardest to ignore. Masato has both arms crossed along his chest as if he's still disappointed in Tokiya. Syo seems bored out of his mind, while Natsuki is almost crying from the ceremony. Otoya looks about the same as Natsuki. Tokiya's surprised anyone is able to feel anything from those vows.

The officiant stops any sort of noise coming from the audience with the very words Tokiya had thought would've been taken out. "Anyone who objects to the union of this couple should speak now or forever hold their peace."

Silence resonates through the room except for the creak of the bench STARISH and Reiji occupy. Every one of them stare in horror and shock as Tokiya stands up with a new air of confidence he didn't have before. His hands may be shaking, but his voice can't. Not now.

He keeps his ocean blue eyes on Ren's own bright crystal blue hues. This is it. Now or never.

"I do."

Gasps come from all around him. Even the officiant looks confused as to what to do about it. There are many outcomes to what Tokiya's resigned to do. They can kick him out and continue the ceremony, halt the ceremony entirely to figure out why he's done so, or they'll make him speak to prove his case. Right now, the many guards in the room inch towards him in hopes of getting rid of the problem quickly. However, Ren stops them. It's clear his bride-to-be is furious, whispering in his ear angrily as she makes pointed looks at Tokiya.

Tokiya doesn't move an inch from where he's standing, making no effort to sit down and pretend he never spoke either.

The whispers of the crowd grow just as angrily as Seira's looks at him have. Ren pays them no mind as he steps down from the altar step by step, making his way over to Tokiya. The crowd suddenly grows silent as they watch Ren make his way over to Tokiya. He stops at the end of the bench where Masato is sitting, not once letting go of the eye contact he's holding with Tokiya.

"Why now?" There's no anger or sadness in his voice. It's a genuine question.

"I decided there was no better time."

Ren stares at him incredulously for a moment before bursting into laughter. Everyone around them is confused, that's not hard to guess at all. Ren's now laughing so hard that he's wiping at his eyes to get rid of any traces of tears that may be falling.

"You may never admit it, but you've always been more dramatic than the rest of us." He's grinning widely at Tokiya, who's still shaking from the nerves.

Despite Ren's laughter and laid back attitude, he can't get over that they're having this conversation with the eyes of all of his guests trained on them waiting and watching to see what happens. Tokiya glances around the room briefly and suddenly wishes he hadn't. There are many angry people looking at them. This conversation can't be what it is right now.

"Ren, this isn't a joke. Everyone is waiting to see what you'll do." Tokiya's hands ball up into fists, ready for any dismissive action Ren gives him. It would make the most sense to him considering how this situation's become.

Ren sighs, grinning ear to ear with a joy Tokiya can't figure out, and makes his way back up to the altar. Tokiya's unsure of what to do, so he continues to stand also waiting on Ren's address to the audience. His bride-to-be hisses at him angrily as he tries to talk to the officiant, who's clearly in a lot of distress. After a moment of discussion back and forth between the three of them, they back off of the officiant to let him speak. Ren turns his gaze back to Tokiya, the grin from before returning.

Only the officiant isn't the one addressing the crowd. It's Ren. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for attending what could've been a very dull affair. My apologies to all those invested in what could've been."

Tokiya wishes he could make Ren stop talking so rudely in such a carefree matter, as if this wedding wasn't as important as it very clearly seems to be.

"However a much better suitor has presented himself, and I would rather be happy and broke for the rest of my life than be miserable and enjoy all the fame this wedding almost got. Well, I suppose it's surely going to get a lot more attention than I thought it would for a completely different reason." Ren laughs, but he's the only one to do so. "What I'm trying to say is this wedding is off. Feel free to go home now." Ren tries to walk off the altar, but Seira locks her hand around his wrist and shouts words at him.

Tokiya can barely register anything that's going on because the room erupts into chaos. The rest of STARISH and Reiji are still staring up at him as though they haven't processed what's happened at all yet. Dozens of people surround the couple at the altar while the bench Tokiya's still standing at is bombarded with guests shouting at him. He can't see Ren anymore, and now he's unsure of what to do. Everything has become so much more problematic than he had considered.

"Tokki, what did you do?" Reiji's staring at him with that dumbfounded expression still.

Tokiya looks down at him amidst the chaos surrounding them and leans down, so Reiji can hear him. "Doing what I should've done a month ago." Yes, he should've done this before it escalated to this degree, but what's done is done. At least he can say he holds no more regrets.

Reiji stares at him for a second longer before exploding into laughter. "You're incredible, Tokki! I'm impressed!"

Tokiya immediately goes back to ignoring him. What is he doing? Why is he still standing around like he has nothing better to do? He needs to find Ren. Tokiya straightens up and begins sidestepping past Reiji's and Masato's legs to get out of the aisle. Without thinking he begins cutting through the crowds of people who are hurling insults at him without any caution whatsoever. He's sure Ren's still up at the altar. For all he knows, Seira could've dragged him off somewhere, but he can't see past the throngs of people in front of it. It really is incredible how many people Ren managed to invite.

He reaches forward to cut past someone else when a hand slides into his own, pulling him forward. Instantly, Tokiya falls forward in the direction he's being pulled into only to be caught by the one he's been looking for.

"Don't worry. It's me." How is Ren still staring at him like everything is fine?

"I-"

"Shh. For now, let's focus on getting out of here. All of these people are making me feel claustrophobic."

Him too but is this really what they should be focusing on? Wouldn't diffusing this mess be first priority. Given Ren is the one who had made it much worse but still.

Tokiya follows Ren with every tug on his hand, mentally preparing himself for the conversation that is to follow if they ever find somewhere quiet to be. Thankfully the security guards that have been surrounding the inside of the ballroom find them both and begin aiding their escape. It's probably not what they want to be doing, but they are being paid to protect Ren after all.

They finally get out after struggling for more than just a few minutes due to the help of the guards around them. Ren throws the both of them into the elevator letting go of Tokiya's hand, while the guards hold back anyone in front of the elevator trying to get to them. Ren presses a button most likely meant for the floor he's currently staying on and then relaxes against the back wall of the shaft.

"I think this is even crazier than my fans have been over this wedding. Well done, Icchi."

Tokiya is beyond confused. "Ren, what is happening?" He's genuinely lost and doesn't truly understand why everything's happened like this. He's even more confused by every word Ren's said so far. He's not sure how to put his feelings into words right now. Logically, everything makes sense to him. He just can't figure Ren out.

Ren bursts into laughter for the third time now. "Icchi, what do you mean? You single handedly destroyed the wedding I never wanted to happen and declared something I didn't think you'd do in front of hundreds of important people. I'm beyond surprised, but I love it." Ren walks towards Tokiya, who backs up until he hits the wall of the shaft they're in.

His head is spinning a mile a second trying to process everything. Of course he knows what he's done, but he hadn't expected Ren to be this way. Well... he's not entirely sure what he had expected. This is still far from anything he's thought of. "What did you mean when you were speaking to everyone?"

Ren stops walking by the time his face is roughly an inch away from Tokiya's. The nearness between them is making him more nervous than before, and Ren seems to notice because he takes a short step backwards.

"Icchi. No, wait. Tokiya." Ren takes Tokiya's hands into his own. "You can't imagine how miserable I've been with her. Every time I went out somewhere with her, all I could picture was how much happier I'd be if it was you by my side."

Tokiya shakes his head and closes his eyes. "But we haven't talked since you left. That doesn't make any sense. How could you still think that after so long?"

"Love is not something you can take away just by adding distance. Once I realized how I felt, I knew I had to leave STARISH. Feeling this kind of deep emotion is not one you can mask, and I had just learned to be true with all of you. I did what I had to do and left. Besides, you were still in love with being an idol. I knew leaving was the right idea as soon as I saw how bright your light kept shining. I didn't want to take that away from you by telling you how I felt." Ren gives his hands a gentle squeeze. "I've never loved anyone after you came around. I was pressured into getting married, but at the same time I selfishly hoped that I could tear my heart away from you. I didn't realize how stupid that was until I saw you for the first time in years once more at my bachelor party."

Hearing every little confession from him all of a sudden like this is too much for him to take in all at once, so he keeps his eyes closed and tries to slow his breathing down in hopes of slowing his heart rate as well. However, the elevator doors open once they reach the floor Ren had chosen. He opens his eyes when Ren begins to lead him out of the elevator and into the hallway, heading down to the left and swiping them in to one of the many rooms there. This room is much more average sized than the last time Ren had led him to the hotel room he was staying at. It would be funny to point out if they weren't currently in this situation.

"A friend of mine let me borrow the room he was staying in. Thankfully, they checked their luggage sooner. I didn't want to go to the suite I was supposed to share with  _her._ " Ren mentions her with such disgust already, and they had only just left.

It makes sense then why the room is immaculate for one person to be in it then. That and there's no way Ren would pay for such a small room on his own.

Ren leads him over to the queen sized bed and sits them both down on the mattress, gently rubbing his thumbs over the knuckles on Tokiya's hands. "I really didn't think you would come today. I thought you were disgusted with me after our parting last month. I thought I had ruined everything so quickly." There's a sadness in his words that Tokiya wants nothing more than to disappear. It's heartbreaking.

"I came."

"Yes, you did." Ren grins at him and gives his hands a squeeze. "I almost can't believe it. For all I know I could be dreaming."

Tokiya rolls his eyes at his dramatic words but keeps his mind focused. There's a lot he needs to say himself as well. "If we're being honest, then I'm going to tell you I almost didn't show up. Nanami told me-"

"Little Lamb? You talked to her?"

Tokiya sighs. "She was the only one I felt I could confide in with my feelings. After we parted, I kept avoiding the truth of how I felt. When I talked to her, it was as if everything began making sense so suddenly. Instantly I knew I couldn't sit idly by knowing you were going to get married the next day."

"Wait." Ren gets very serious quickly. "The next day? This was only yesterday?"

Tokiya nods. "I'm not proud of it, but to quote her 'it's never too late'."

Ren shakes his head as if mocking him from moments ago. "And here I thought I was too obvious all those years ago. I didn't think you were dense when it came to situations like this. You write songs about these types of things without any trouble or need for help. If I wasn't already surprised by what you've done today, then I genuinely am now."

"I'm sorry if I never expected such feelings from a bandmate at the time." Tokiya snaps just a bit at Ren's comments. He wishes he had realized sooner. It's a regret of his not having known at the time. It would've made things much easier today.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to anger you." Ren rubs quick little circles into the backs of his hands. "I'm just really surprised this happened just yesterday. Does that mean you only thought of doing this last night?"

Tokiya nods again and watches as the grin from before reappears on Ren's face.

"Very interesting, Tokiya. You've always been one to take charge."

Tokiya rolls his eyes, cheeks dusted with pink in embarrassment. He's not too proud of what he's done today, but he still wouldn't take it back for all the money in the world. "So where do my actions put us now?"

"Well," Ren removes his hands from Tokiya's and smirks at him, "for starters I don't remember hearing any clear and concise reason as to why you interrupted what would've been a horrible wedding. All I got were vague answers."

So he's going to push this out of him. Got it. Tokiya takes a deep, slow breath and closes his eyes briefly. After a moment, he opens his eyes again and keeps them focused on Ren's own. "Ren, I love you. I didn't want to see you married off to someone like her without telling you how I felt beforehand. I may have only realized it twenty-four hours ago, but I know that deep down every flirtatious wink or comment you sent my way only built up this feeling for you all these years. I can say these words honestly now knowing full well what they mean and how they affect me so."

Ren's been smiling at him the whole time, staring back wordlessly as Tokiya finishes off his short speech. "Beautifully said. Now, I  _should_ tell you that you've ruined the happiest moment of my life, but I can't because that's not even close to the truth. I already told you how I felt, but Tokiya Ichinose, I am in love with you. This may sound ridiculous especially now, but when I have ever been known for my seriousness?"

Tokiya chuckles lightly, shaking his head in a playful manner.

"Tokiya Ichinose, will you marry me and be the one by my side?"

Tokiya looks up at him with wide eyes, not having expected this. "What?" It's a dumb question with a clear answer, but he needs to hear it again because he's not sure he's heard Ren quite right.

"Will you marry me?" Ren holds Tokiya's hands tightly, not shifting his gaze away from Tokiya's.

Tokiya stares back, searching his eyes for the joke that never comes before smiling. It's the first time he's done so for real in who knows how long. "Yes."

Ren smiles brightly and pulls Tokiya to himself, locking their lips as if to seal their promise to one another. Neither one makes to pull away as they relish in the happiness they both feel after so many years of pain.

They can finally be happy.


End file.
